it's the last day of the year 2003
my morning started off not too well..

just had a meeting, a solemn one,
i've never felt this before, but now i feel the sense of belonging in this dept, maybe not the co as a whole. but this dept, and the fact that all eyes are on us to battle the last hurdle towards meeting the buss plan.. eheh..
boss dismissed the meeting with a bitter note, and no one moved.. everybody has this blank stare, some looked even sad. perhaps most were thinking about their bonus, which may not come into existence this yr.
i felt sad too, to a certain level.
cos we did try our best but work, or life, is like that. there are unforseen shit along the way.
emotional pulak satu office ni..
that goes to show that we care a great deal about our job (well, it could solely be the remuneration factor), and i know there's some very dedicated soul around here.

so, end of 2003
no plans for countdown
feel like staying at home watching movie with dearest. hope he has no obejction to that. afterall it would be my last chance to watch the klang valley firework displays from the balcony. and this time, i want someone special to join. last nite,history,almost repeat itself. let tonight be a new beginning. and a good one.

2003 is a marvellous yr, generally, i think my job, my relationship and once again, back to staying under one roof with parents has changed me a great deal. i think i've aged in all aspects this yr. well, at least that's wat i think.


relationship
i fell in love over and over again this yr, i felt sick of it a few times along the way, and i feel happy generally. (hey, i'm being honest!). both met parents, relatives n frens of each other this yr. understand the true meaning of tolerance and give-n-take. realised that this relationship can make me feel 43 and 3 yrs old at the same time.

career
started my job in feb, settled in permanent co in august, got pretty much comfy with bosses and colleagues in only about last mth. got few recognition, very2 few shortcoming. very grateful. it's a cool start i must say. also enrolled into a pro course.

financial
started off as a carless wealthy independant girl. then my 4 wheel sweetheart came, and things turn around. but rpoud to say managed to live within my means. managed to debit something to my savings account each mth, get myself something new each mth, give some to mama each mth, treat family to a meal once a month, spoil bf with a good hearty meal once a month, pay my own car (and all the taik2 maintainence that cost me more than a mth gaji for this whole yr), fuel, hpphone bill, room phone bill, baju raya (well one or two), new office wardrobe, my first make up set, a saloon quality shampoo that cost a bomb, unnecessarily expensive odd-size shoes, shoes for bro.

for a girl from a fortunate background, who's been in job for less than 12 mths, i think i'm relatively independant now.

spiritual
i'm bad. i'm worse this yr. God give me strength. Jauhkan aku dr benda2 yg melekakan. Amin.

health
from a daily jogger to a full time fat producer. need i say more? yes, added 20 kg happily along the way. shrinked my wardrobe to quarter it's original size.

fashion n vanity
returned to boring jeans and tshirt. grew my hair shoulder lenght, wear it up 95% of the time. started with the cleanser-toner-moisturiser regime. begin wearing compact powder n blusher on daily basis. wear mascara n (liquid) eye liner on special day. still wear knee length skirt, only one i can still fit. begins understanding the reasons for sandals and forgot the comfort of snickers. very faithful to baju kurung for the office.

now, i've no resolution for the new yr. i dont think i should make any.
but i sure have one wish.
only one wish.
.......
amin.

kenyang gila
my dept just had a makan2, good food, and lots of em.
siap bertapau2 and ada lucky draw lagi ha..

i have a minor problem
my officemates think i'm an angel
so whenever i'm with them, they try to minimise making fun of our boss and usage of profanities.
mind u, their vocab is something worth mentioning. and since my dept is very muhibah, we have them in all language ), even dialect(non-english profanities usually sounds like they need more guts to be pronounced). and these ppl i'm talking about are mothers of 2, or 3. eheh.. yeah, seriously.
i see nothing wrong with that. freedom of speech. and they dont behave like that generally, only when there's sufficient chorum and no one else. see.. that may be a problem, since they think i'm a saint, it's seldom that i see them in full action, which is serious fun. come on la kak.. i can talk about inverted nipples, saggy butt, sex and wat not.. at least i'm not that all goody2 that i cant bear listening to anything along those line.
gee.. i thought only boys grow up wishing they can join the big bad bros ..

can i say this here now
i am very indifferent at the moment. i dont feel much for him now. i thought the trip to langkawi would teach me some lesson and send me crippling back to his direction.. patheticnya bunyi.. but yeah, something like thatla. i thought absence will make my heart grow fonder, but i dont think it did la. listen to me now, mcm cakap abt some bubblegum business je..

u know wat i have towards him now? this growing sense of resentment.
ok, reality check. nope not PMS yet. just cant possibily be.
continue..resentment. i'm always angry at him, though sometimes i just gulp down my anger and smile, i am always constantly angry at him. sometimes i mumble things to myself, things i feel like saying to him. i just wanna hurt him so much. and sometimes i did. but that doesnt lessen any bit of this waves of feeling i'm having now. it's sooo darn easy for him to make me cry, or irritated, or mad and worst, turn me into this rude sarcastic bitch. i snap at him, the way i only wish to do to some ppl i hate very much, but never have the guts to actually do it. i dont know wat causes this. or maybe i know. but i dont want to admit to it cos it'll transfer all the blame into his court. no i dont want to be the immature little girl in this relationship, always putting the blame on him.

i often think of the most outrageous thing to do offlate. i know i've been to hard on myself about this kawin2 thing. ever since papa start tanya abt it, as in the drama line 'bila nak masuk?'. maybe it's the embarrased feeling, the feeling that i havent met their expectation cos this guy tak make a move lagi. maybe rasa frustrated, sbb i've to innitiate and ask him about this and that rather than him taking action on his own. rasa helpless sbb on the other hand i know he meant to do it, and working on it, but a guy with an ego of courselah have to prepare everything. nak jaga anak org. if he just selamba je, then it'll be disrespect to my family, take for granted je.

i know this sounds absurd. but i'm always thinking abt the consequence of us separating now. i'm always putting myself in a position of a single girl. which cant be that bad. everytime i attend function without him, i can always use the 'he got class' excuse. i'm getting use to that already. our goodnite calls has shortened significantly. usually cos i'm always too angry to talk, or he is too sleepy/tired to chat.

is this going somewhere

after much adrenaline rush early this yr, it's quite sad we arrived here now. i keep on hoping that this is a plateau and things will be better after some major thing takes place later. but wat major thing? when? wat do i mean by later?

lately been thinking, how much i've diverted from my wish list. not all wish come true. and those expectation which are not met is really irrelevant as i got to know him. but now, i'm turning to the realistic and practical me, with a pros n cons balance sheet in hand and a numb heart. i even told him that i felt 'tawar', hoping that he'll burst into some drama, marah, merajuk, pujuk or something. hmmm... i'm still here.

nak je mcm ckp dah2 la.. tak laratla.. let's take a break.. kalau ada jodoh, adelah, kalau kejar sgt pun tak guna..

arrghh
dah type panjang2 alih2 dunno wat happen, rasanya mcm dah save, pun tak kluar..

watevala. i was blabbing about my not so relaxing holiday in langkawi. let me just summarised everyhting - the island is overrated, indah kabar dari rupa. i'll continue when i feel like it later. but then did some shopping jugakla. papa belanja a new pair of adidas shoes, bukan on sale pun, bukan murah sgt ke apa, but i saw it and like it, and i went "pa, the last pair of shoes i bought were cho's shoes" and that does the trick. but it's true, i actually forgot how wearing sneakers feels like, and look like a complete idiot in front of the sales person..i also got myself a new colorful handbag. hehe. a bagful of hersheys and a blaring red hp cover which i think is soooo cool. bros commented that i'm tua tak sedar diri, with the adidas sneakers and a bright red hp. eleh, this was my trademark la.. at least a yr ago, with bright this bright that, colourful this, matching that. oh God, i feel old now.

speaking of which, colleagues ask to see my photos in aussie. i'm contemplating. i was 10-15 kg lighter then. i had this chic short haircut. i was in my midi skirt or 3 quarters most of the times. my shirts/tshirts are always pink, red, yellow or something brighter. i wore bright colored hats or bandenna. i use bright bags to uni. i made faces in pictures. i was a different person. i may not be as happy now, but those looking at the pics may not agree with it.

so many random thoughts at the moment

one of which
it struck me the other day, during shower, which was my most profound time of the day,
wat really happened last yr (prior to the existence of this blog)? how can he misunderstood my email and jump to that conclusion? i didnt say 'NO'. though the email didnt spell "WAIT" outright, i guess any person of his background would have caught my drift. i didnt say "NO". wat made him think that and act frustrated and bother telling me that it's surely hard to convey the msg to his mom but he will. and last but not least. why did he wish me 'hope u'll be happy with him' when i didnt say anything about being with someone else. i know this is really story of the past, afterall i am happy n content with dearest now, but i cant help thinking. could it be an ugly trick of his to turn things around and made it look like i was the one who spoilt the deal. did he just put words in my mouth and let me sing the song he wanna hear? (hehe, since when pulak i start writing like this)
so all this while.. dia tak nak pun, but dunno wat to say, how to say, to me n the mom, so created this pushy email and wait for the std answer..which i did provide. was he even affected by it?
God, it makes me shudder. i feel so low thinking abt it.
to even go near to the idea that this anak dato', US grad, wealthy, ok looking, metrosexual is wooing me.
i felt stupid
and ugly

hehe.. random thoughts u see..

siot betul leave application tak go through lagi
dah apply last week but boss mcm tak nak kasi je..
i'm not that fond of langkawi but it's a break.. and a family holiday..
jgnla buat t**k wahai boss..

watched LOTR3!!!!..
kes nak tgk movie tu sampai gaduh2 ngan bf.. ahahaha
actuallynya tak kisah sgt if tak tgk this week, but since i'll be away from wed to sun (if cuti got through) and dia takde weekend, and dia ni jenis kena tgk movie seawal kluarnya movie tu.. and it's lotr the only trilogy or crita bersambung2 that i follow, besides harry potter..
bukan senang nak adjust time dgn org yg 8-8 on weekdays and full time student on weekend..
asyik2 book pastu burn je.. tak sempat make it.. simple act as 'let's go for a movie pun' kena ada schedule involve
but yesterday i'm beginning to appreciate that these ppl yg cannot make it for their reservationsla the one yg give ppl little pleasure in life. yesterday we went to summit to get our ticks for monday show and a teeny weeny hope dpt ticket for sunday show terus. according to cho, sunway punya tickets sold out till tuesday, so gi jelah beli awal. tu pun sebab class dia cancel, so mcm automatic kena cancel all open hse commitment and head to this underpopulated cineplex. with the sign "LOTR 3 - only front seat available for ALL show today" we queue jugak. alih2 dpt ticket for the 1pm show.. and we got it at 12.55, siap boleh pilih seat.. ehehe, thx to the unfortunate or yg gatal book but takleh make it.
the show was superb! but takdelah sampai worth gaduh2 bodo tu.. klakarla jugak, bila dpt ticket tu rasa mcm malu je ngan bf sbb buat susah sgt pasal nak tgk movie..
hmm...

sapa2 yg tak gi.. gi lah tgk..
tapi satu jelah...
ehehheheeheheheheh (evil grin)
apesal dia happily ever after sgt.. masa part tulah paling rasa mcm it's all fiction..eheheh

i had a very smoothsailing day at the office yesterday, sempat buat a bit of spring cleaning resulting in another 3 ambitous new files for a more systematic ying.
then at 5.30, i made that call, and whammm.. just like that, that guy spoilt everything.
wont elaborate, cos it's business matter, but he was shouting at me, and at this particular point of time even criticise my work attitude, which was irrelevant to the matter, and him being the supplier-and i'm the customer..urrghh..how dare???
esp when boss pun ok je with wat i've been doing. hey, aku tak makan gaji from ngkaula!
i know he's been having this double std towards me cos he knew i'm new here. maybe it bites him to know that his million dollar project is being handle by a novice like me.. lantak ah..

i went back sore..
i know i could be emotional in handling my work sometimes, but i tried my best, really did..
i was a little bit edgy. mad and sad and most of all frustrated.
bf was sick yesterday. couldnt talk. so there goes my comfort spot. takleh mengadu.
i slept at 8 last nite. woke up at 11, thinking that it was a huge over reaction. joined yeh for the final bits of lotr1 on HBO with zetty on my lap, trying to peek at Urukhai. family can be the best cure of ur worst of days. then went to sleep again.

pagi ni liat to go to the office. it's haunting me again, that thing yesterday.
sampai je was greeted by this msg in my mail. a msg written in cap letter. sorry msg from that guy. and proposal how to go about it. cc to boss. sure boss call tanya wat happened.
sejuk tu sejukla jugak but bengang still ada.

dahla next yr i'll be working on a similar project with double magnitude with the same guy...
eee....tak sukanyaaaa...

(oi dah besar, buat cara dah besar.. manja!!)

policy not to blog during office hrs - takpe, now tea break

this just came in! and each blogger tend to angkat bakul once in a while

i know this guy (a superior) is very fond of me. hehe. he drops by once in a while to say hello, and since we are working on the same project it's quite understandable la. ade jelah benda nak tegur. he even mailed and complemented on my presentation the other day, saying that it got recognition from the big guys up there.
oklah, he made my day, time to time

just now he came over and said that i have a great aura/intuition. something about the best way to know a person is to align to his/her intuition, that was his words (???), and mine presents a warm n nice person. with a thumbs up he left me wondering, and jumping to this entry. ehehe.. wat was that?
terperasanla pulak ni..

i think i'm setting myself on the right track
(i need this kind of reassuring once in a while)

i have an online diet planner now
it documents my food intake daily and compare the portion with wat i should be having
it even shows when i am expected to reach my target
it's kinda simple, frenly, with a booster like 'you're doing great!' whenever your portion is less or just as right as the prescribed daily intake, it surely helps a little.
tak rasa mcm kena push around by ppl..
i dont know how they do their calculationla, but they have also included other factors besides food intake such as exercise, supplement intake, and mood swing.
i guess it's really just a guidance for us dieters (did i just call myself a dieter??) to track where we went wrong and how to mend it, rather than instilling in our thick skull that we're on the right track cos we have just skipped lunch.

God i feel good.

Been swimming for 2 days. yeah, nothing to shout about really, but the first step is always the killer one. i found myself racing to go home to do these things, at no expense of road safety la. having full support from my bros also help. they actually went swimming with me, and yeh even check on my laps. see, he's regaining his six packs, zetty wants her curves (yes, she's 9 and talking abt feminine curves), cho wants a better complexion-by swimming. (cho, dont complain i never mention u in my blog ok?)

now i've just got this 30-day fitness program which i'm anxious to swear by. eheh.. konon

i havent skipped lunch nor dinner
i even take the in-between teas at the office now
it improves my social life with colleagues as well..
(tea time can be really educational one -yesterday i learnt about breast feeding, the inwards n outwards nipples and the pros n cons, joy of being surrounded by newlyweds and expecting mothers)
i'm learning the portion control thing and consistent fuelling rather than starving and gobbling up at the end of the day and going to bed hardly 2 hrs after that

and i'm not going anywhere near the weighing machine
though my objective is really to loose them..
i think i'd be happier being a healthy n fit plump girl..

credits : www.lhj.com , msh health and other health websites , jazmi , hetz , papamamazettyandchipmunks , inabasta and the Lord for the wonderful creation of (human brain to come up with) internet

clapclapclap!

p/s : to think that i almost spent thousands to be di bawah jari telunjuk those little missies in white n pink uniform-towards a slimmer body-and the aid of atkins diet that will swallow half of my ovum population...

i'm tired, and sleepy.
but i wont sleep. i cant actually.
bf is studying. belum apa2 dah exam. and belum apa2 nanti, another exam..
and the cycle begins. and i'm not included.
so here i am sitting in the corner, online from home, surfing my frenster page after so long, ever since company has rated it an adult site, hence charting me in the list of internet abuser..hoping that some frens out there will be repeating more good stuff abt me in his/her testimonial - tough luck, enuff is enuff.. admit it, you're to old for frenster ying. (either that or i simply dont have many frens who give shit about testimonials) but admit it ppl, even a line or two, sarcastic testimonial give a tint of glow in your face.. kan? cos we all know how long it takes for a page to load in frenster.

oh well.. that's done
wat's next? i chat with a blogger whose blog i've been very fond of.
dunno why lah, tetiba je rasa mcm nak add him in.. and chat away.
dear blogger whose blog i've been very fond of, thx for the company. it's confirmed, no matter how u followed one's life documentation, u're still strangers at the first 'hello'.. and for me, the many2 sentence after..
sorry kacau2 eh?

things i do when i'm bored.
to think that this exact situation land me at the doorstep of a soulmate, or at least on his computer screen.

body aching
yesterday managed 4 laps je
today 8
tomorrow.. maybe not..
feels like i've just learnt how to swim.. wat happened to my record of 3000m? gila, that's 60 x 50m.. ni 8 pun dah mengah.
i am so not fit. but i'm happy cos i'm doing something about it.
let's not start on my pool of feelings again.

goodnite.

Ok, the co has set a new policy and snatched my internet freedom n privileges from me (ok, it’s company wide, but I think I fall into the ‘most affected’ category). Fine, so be it. Almost 1 year down, 4 to go anyway. Hopefully I’ll have enough money by the end of it to open up a daycare centre and live happily ever after. Like come on, I’m sure that can pay me as much (Projection from reliable historical data has proven that the increment is simply redundant over here, so 5 yrs or not.. wat’s the diff). I’m so demotivated.

And full of emotions at the moment. I’m mad at my co. no sense of belonging watsover. It’s sad to be feeling like this after the completion of my very own project which successfully made them 2 mil richer. Ok, small figure. But from an inexperience fresh grad who only started work in Feb.. and it’s a one woman show ok?? Haa.. nak ‘meriak ‘ la pulak ni..

I was mad at bf. Was in a fiery fight (that I think worth mentioning here, just as a reminder, something to smile and laugh about) It was one full of energy and I was getting physical (I definitely want to remember this fight..eheh).. don’t worry, no one’s hurt. Maybe my hands and my poor waja’s steering. (Boleh imagine??)

I’m veryvery happy with my family at the moment (heh!) Very content and so the very bahagia. I have this intense positive feelings towards them all, yes, all the 3 chipmunks included. I feel so blessed. Yes, an another mention would imply incest already. Zero, it’s contagious!

I feel very ugly. Though ‘look’ does not normally constitute ‘feel’ in my case, this time there’s no denying the association. I feel ugly and I look it. I’m fat. I’m not being mean to myself cos that’s how ppl behave in their private journals but that’s how I feel, whenever I walk pass a mirror. Or checking the result of the digicam shoot. While showering. It’s like crazy. I’m going to hate myself soon if this persists. And the fact that bf doesn’t seem to mind at all, in fact loving the 3rd chin I’m growing here, is killing me. I gained 15, no, 20 kg right under his nose in less than 12 mths and all he can say is “cute!”. Something’s not right somewhere don’t u think? Tell me I’m paranoid.

I feel so much for him these days. Rasa mcm the feeling surround me from head to toe. Rasa best. Rasa butterfly in the stomach for no reason. It’s one of those moment I want to go all jiwang in my blog but since papa n the monkeys (chipmunks do evolve into monkeys from time to time) read my blog.. so takpelah. Having them narrate my writing to me as i entered hom after a day at work is really nothing I enjoy. I salute their effort in memorising every bit of those ‘interesting’ entries though.

So that’s how I feel these few days. Interesting yet tiring jugakla.

i heard from many ppl and self improvement talks that if u wish, aim, or working on something, announce it.
even if no one cares, the act of telling urself about it, literally, is the best start to it.

I AM GOING TO LOOSE WEIGHT.
I AM GOING TO MAKE IT A POINT TO SWIM, JOG AND DANCE AT LEAST ONCE EACH EVERY WEEK.
I AM GOING TO DRINK LOTS AND LOTS OF PLAIN WATER.
I AM NOT GOING TO TAKE DINNER WHICH CONTAINS HIGH CARBO.
I AM GOING TO LOOSE WEIGHT.

and i'm clicking 'publish'

i've got lots in mind at the moment, and nil motivation to do my work. i'm so looking fwd to new yr, somehow, it gives new hope. not really exhausted physically, nor emotionally. just plain malas..

the new hse will complete in june lah pulak, mama told us yesterday. but the neighbourhood sure tunggang langgang lagi by then. nothing new. kalau move in pun probably end of the yr. tired and sick of this layout but malas nak tukar.. takde yg best. rasa mcm can design better one..mwaahaha.. if i've the time.. as if..

cho got his electric guitar, finally. next, papa thinking of getting abe a new car, cos his current car nak kasi yeh. hmm.. everyone is getting their toys. i want mine. i want a husband.

Condolences to the family n frens of the 14 who we lost in the bus-bus crash in Kuala Lipis
i'm stil furious over wat happen. listening to the survivors who desrcibed their ride as a 'laju sangat-sangat' is simply sad. from experience, which was not so distant, some, or most of these express busses really rule the road. we always need to stop at the shoulder of sharp bend to give way to the fierce monster. geramnya.. idiots!
but then again, wat can we expect from a person who shoulder a responsibility to carry 44 strangers to and fro their loved ones when a father of 4, with the youngest baby sitting in the wife's lap besides him pun (in a kancil) can speed beyond legal speed limit, overtaking from the left.
IDIOTS!!

first day at work after a week of break doesnt make the break worthwhile afterall.
while i can still find time chatting about a heartbreak a fren suffer, the joy of a completed masters degree, and how to find a blue baju kurung for an important wedding in 3 days.. work is abundance
and everything seems to be urgent
this one before lunch, that one before noon, this one before morning tea break.. heh!
wateva la..
after december, things would be moving on a slower pace.. or so i hope.

i rang a fren due to boredom after the last entry, and yeah, in light of raya..
a long lost fren who tirelessly tried to contact me and always ended up chatting with my mom
the first ever fren i met on the net, and in person after mths of endless chats.
he sounds as usual. as funny, as talkative n as warm.
it feels like i never 'long-lost' him..
but he still has my picture in his wallet. now that scares me. i dont remember giving any. perhaps it's one of thos pics we took during our chatter gathering. yes, i was that serious as a chatter. and i never regret.
a fren whom i've not been communicating with for almost 2 yrs still remember every bit of details about me. bday, and other days, and a pic in the wallet??
told dearest about it already, of course he wasnt pleased.
sometimes kan, benda2 yg we always take for granted, like taking thousands of pictures at a party, can always cause discomfort later.. hmm..
and to look at it on the bright side, there are ppl who think of u, even when u dont think it matters.
hmm..

balik..balik..

Selamat Hari Raya to all!!!
I'm back from Kota Bharu.. earlier than scheduled cos papa decided so.. ehehe
well raya this year is expectedly so un-meriah. partly because my uncle whose house we stayed in is away in Mekah and my granma is semi bedridden. malam raya pun sunyi sgt, me n brothers tgk tv, papa baca paper, mama kemas2 dapur sikit, tok we just hang around (ahahah)..
the next day raya me n mama played host, so we didnt go anywhere, papa pulak jalan2 to his sisters' places, bawak his sons gilir, cos they were too busy stucked to rtm tv programmes (mati2 ingat astro dah ada..darn!!)
and as usual, i got my asthma, mmg sah, someone told me once if it's repetitive n i dont seem to be suffering it anywhere else, then i maybe 'tak diterima di bumi kelantan'...ooo.. scary eh? apa2lah

dah balik awal ni dunno wat to do, kl is still deserted, or at least subang la. frens are not back yet. dearest tgh best shopping vcd ciplak up north lagi. papa mama went out for lunch without notice. my bro dah kluar, the other 3 still in kelantan, naik flight.
went out with win just now, kejap, borak2 on life.. ahaha.. he must be on the way to kk by now.. oh no, it's just an hour since i got back.. time moves soooo slowly..
masa2 ni lah rasa mcm tak cukup kawan.. hmm...
and masa2 ni lah teringat the pile of work at the office..
lucky thing i lend my keys to my colleague hari tu.. else who knows, i'll be in the office on a saturday, 4th syawal, cos i've no better things to do.
tido dah overdose dah. smalam 10 hours journey tak tido langsung, teman driver n layan vcd, 3 vcds altogether. gilos
ni kalau bosan lagi rasa mcm nak gi tgk movie sorang2
masa2 ni teringat brisbane, probably dah queue beli ticket dah now.. cos it's brisbane..but now in msia, semua benda mcm impossible..
ingat nak sambung shopping, hari tu just before balik kg went with jazmi on a shopping spree.. someone dah tukar kerja, nak tukar wardrobe, so spent gila2 jugak hari tu, but since we're rushing against time, planned to continue the spree after raya. alah, nanti dia dah start class.. (erk..teringat my screwed up exam kejap..urrrghh!!)

promised cho to bake some choc chips cookies.. tapi malas, turnover cepat sgt, siap satu tray habis satu tray.. buat penat je..(adeke??!!)

oklah.. merapu je..
selamat hari raya to all
maaf zahir batin.. for wateva said, or written here.. or in fact terbuat n termakan, n all the ters..
absorpla all the kemeriahan hari raya while u still can even though that means tido berlonggok2 in the living room or a week without astro.
cos once u lose it.. u'll feel really old. heh!
chiow!

what's worst than having to withstand the urge to go to the toilet in the middle of a devastatingly gilab*b*punyasusahexam which cannot be described with words?

not finding a toilet even after half n hour searching afterwards

ok, wat's worst than that?

finding your car bumper dented n scratched, with the front light dislocated, and the plate broken

guess it's not my day
ok, first thing first, it was my first day of the real experience of post grad study, and i must say i am stunt. gila susah. let's put aside the fact that i didnt study enough for the exam, as usual, like everyone will say about their preparations, no matter if they come out of it a distinction holder, or a true failure....the paper was tough. i'm beginning to appreciate comments i heard about CIMA qualification sometime ago. IT IS NOT A DEGREE EQUIVALENT QUALIFICATION, even though it is stated so in many colleges' guides. oh well.. either it is or it isnt, it does not matter, wat matter now is i may need to fork out $300+ to re-sit the paper next time. i'm not a classic pessimist, but i just cant seem to gather myself and pretend to be confident that i'll pass it (and to think that the passing mark is a mere 30%...d'oh!!). i wasnt shaking, as usual, whenever i run out of time in exam, i was singing in my head.. ahahah.. i was singing!!! it feels like doing one of those mock exam papers. Afterall no lecturers, no frens to compare ur achievement n madness with, so no nothing there. it doesnt even feel like the real thing. it as just me, sitting with a hallfull of strangers, fidgeting at figures which brings no meaning to me at all. Halfway through the paper, i actually checked the quation cover page, just to confirm that i was sitting for the right paper.. eheheh.. and yeah, handfull walked out hardly an hour after the 3hours exam starts. but, like always, more than a handfull of those typical account geeks starts discussing about the goodwill, provision, minority interest and wat not...
i pretend not to hear, i was in desperate search for a toilet anyway.
only to find one half n hour later, after driving from faculty to faculty..
why must the uni be so strangers unfrenly
all the toilets were situated behind those swipe card doors..
i just wanna pee dammit!!
IT'S JUST NOT MY DAY .. i bet other non-uni related ppl found the toilet without a sweat

my car?
yes, someone kiss something with my car, either that or some car kissed my car.. bengang betul. i was very sure that it wasnt me, cos i've just belek2 n washed it. afteral it must have been something major jugakla to cause the lampu to be inverted mcm tu. stakat gesel2, tak kisah lagi.. haiyyoo... ni la... nak tuduh, tak baik, but bengek jugak, now on top of the exam re-sit, kena kluar duit lagi

so wat did i resort to?
retail therapy. bought one floral skirt (??!!). yeah i went cuckoo and got it without second thought. nak pakai dgn apa, nak pakai gi mana? that's a different story. bought hair dye, nak kaler rambut raya..ahaha..bought something for bf cos i was being so nasty for the past few days, or weeks - me having exam n bf at the same time is an ugly picture.. thk God i was not attractive enough to generate a list of bfs during schooltime.. not that i'm attractive now..kalau tak, habisla aku, lepas spm, dok rumah, tolong mak.. study ntah kemana.. menggatal je tau..
allow me.. it feels like i'll have a fair share of today after all these shit by blogging like nobody business..

hmm..wat else is new..
i'm frustrated with my ramadhan, terawikh boleh kira yg buat drpd tak, mama dah khatam.. papa pun almost kot.. and me.. : (
yeh is back from perth, either for good, or not.. but it's nice having a full house once again. the house is ultimately hilariuos now, and we dont have enough chair to dine together at once. and that's a good sign.
except if it was him who cause the scrathes n dents on my car.. then that's a different story.

hah, here comes the accused (for now)..
going to interrogate
ta!

yesterday cuti,
went to see the new house. the skeleton of it lah..
so can imagine how to put my furniture n stuff..
my room is smaller than expected, but i just love the big windows, overlooking wat's suppose to be the yard (and zetty's playhouse/wading pool..cheh!!).
the toilet is all to myself
i still cant get over the fact that the other windows open to the porch..bosannya..
ah well.. the only way to go if i want a room + toilet to myself
apa2 pun, looking fwd to this
mama has given the green light for me to pick up my fav stuff from the current living room for my room later
which means the broad, low, orange couch is definitely going to be mine, mine, mine..
coupled with a considerably not-small tv, and astro which i plan to get later
and lap top
and my OWN toilet
and the huge windows..
ahh.. i'm so looking fwd to moving out.

though i'll miss the bird's eye view of subang jaya from my little corner of the 16th floor condo..
and the breeze..
and the fact that i can walk around naked in that room without drawing the curtain.. hmm... even though i never tried ( i know of the existence of binoculars, well,just in case)

oh well
cant have all u want in this world huh?

must be weird 'living on land' again
i can wash my car whenever i want..hmm..
but i wont be able to tell the traffic anymore..wont know if the federal highway is the best route, or otherwise
wont be able to celebrate new yr watching all not-on-tv fireworks displays in klang valley while sipping coffee at my balcony..

i cant get the 'on top of the world' feeling no matter how early i wake up in the morning anymore..

worst.. i'm at the same level with all those buzzing vehicles, in fact my room'll be next to at least 4 of them.
oh well, hot air rises.. smokes n fumes too i guess

covered all chapters of the syllabus. covered some past yrs papers, say abt 20% already.
and all i could think about is to go soft or bright for that my room-to-be..
typical..

Mission accomplished!
Cooked for the family that day, ada dish yg impressive ada yg hampeh
but puas hati, from starter to desert, cooked extra for sahur as well..

Another mission, maybe wont be accomplished pun.. my course papers..
God, i've never been so bored with a subject like this before...
i just couldnt even fasten my eyes on the folder, let alone the papers inside, the facts, figures, questions, solutions..
arrrrghhhhhh!!!!!

i finally know how to go to MOH KL.. yey!
went out with win to MOH, sempat picked him up on the way, after having the whole dept give their tips and easiest versions of the way there. picked up a PO, and sempat check out the officer for my dear fren. nice girl indeed, through our phone call dealings, and in person. passed win her office number, ;) i dont care if it's unethical, it's just helping a fren anyway. was on the way back then realised that i'll only reach for the lunch break, so made a u-turn to midvalley and browsed around with my musafir friend, hehe..
left just nice to reach before the official lunch hour finish but was caught up in a massive traffic, so here i am, 20 minutes late, blogging instead of doing work.

fact is there's no work today, or so i thought.
balik2, another pile of stuff was on my desk.. hmmpphh..
just when i was in a mood to sink into the last few chapters of my course...
but since now there's something to do, i guess studying during office hour is a equivalent to stealing la.. stealing time

tomorrow weekend..yessss...
again, will be down with books, while bf work
plan to cook for the family on Sunday.. tak taula lagi.. if we're eating out better still, but just thought i should contribute, and afterall, mama hasnt been her 100% since start Ramadhan. And, let's admit. i miss cooking. I miss cracking my head up thinking wat to prepare for berbuka. i miss playing mama in the kitchen. i miss having the sense of power of making things as sweet, sour, hot, salty to the bits that suit my liking. i miss that good-feeling i get for being able to take care of myself. i miss being independant.
it's the same feeling i get when i personaly, thoroughly shampoo, clean n dust my car inside out.
which reminds me that it doesnt cost me anything and i should get around to doing it cos my dearest need a shower badly.

now when i think of it,
i'm a bit uneasy when i see a mess in my room and know that bibik will take care of it before i even know it.
i cant even control my own mess and how long it should be there!!..

ok, i'm crazy

oh, before i forget, last nite went to sheesh mahal, subang jaya, for the most anticipated north indian n pakistani cuisine. i must say i wasnt dissapointed. the spread were good. and the constant replenishment of more hot food with a little wait in between just adds on to the anxiousness.. ahaha
but the dissapointment was me. i just couldnt do buffet anymore. to those present last nite, i know i perform well last nite but u guys know i can do better rite?

oklah ppl
have a pleasant one this week.

is this possible
i've a crush on the guard at my condo
it's nothing major, but it's a crush
bf doesnt know yet. i bet it's entertaining for him to find out.
and he might agree that this person has a look worth having a crush for.
my obsession with specky ppl.
and that 4 eyes well built culprit has to wave n say hello whenever my car pass by...*sigh
weekend fever must have done something to me..
i'm confessing my crush on some bangla guard at my condo.
but handsome ok...
and when he starts frowning at those cars without stickers.. hmm... klakar..klakar
let me not start on this indian technician at my office.. hahhah
sorrylah hetz, aku dah cross over to your region.. hahahhaha

puasa dah byk hari, ngaji stuck kat 1st juzuk.. haiyyaa..terawikh... hmmpphh..teruknyalah aku ni..hari tu excited sgt about ramadhan
but CIMA course progressing well
as usual, rasanya just in time je cover everything.. and cover means read.. just read
bila la nak sedar...
from spm to a level to degree to pro course????
but this time it involves obvious money, ie not scholarship, not govt, not parents'.. MINE!
that should be a strong motivation factor..
pressure2...

it's official
Dr Mahathir has left
i know i never write anything on this, but that does not mean i'm not sentimental about it
it does mean something to me, i feel for his departure
i am sentimental about this
i love that old man

goodbye Tun Mahathir..
have fun with your grandchildren!!

-u know wat would be cool? since dr M now has all the time to read, cook, sleep, play, surf.. it might be possible for him to drop by in few malaysian blogs n leave a note. and coming to mine would be totally out of this world. plsla dont come here, i'm a perfect definition of 'melayu alpa' - no discussion on war, no sentiment about local politics at all, no full lenght report of wat merdeka means to me..

my bro, yeh is coming back from perth soon
maybe for good.
too much pressure there, accelerated course program kills la i tell u,
and being part of a handful of filthy rich community, when u're not one, doesnt help either. not saying that they're bunch of snobs n doesnt know any better, but these spoon fed kids just dont seem to understand, that some, or most are not born on a bed of roses like them.
i pity yeh cos he's in a middle of a huge dilemma.
to stay, or to be home, where everything is more familiar.
not many get a chance like him, after spm, fly straight, with parents money
tak payah susah2 tunggu scholarship, or reply for matrics
but not many can take the pressure he's going through..
from a humble n almost homogenous all malay boys school, to an interracial, co-ed community, with every single one of them driving their own sports car and live in their very own family banglos.
he might be mad if he reads this entry
but no one blame him if he cant take it really
shed all ur machoness and decide for the best.
it's ur future.

on the other hand, i pity papa as well
even mama
who has been loosing sleep over this matter
i sense regret
i sense frustration
i sense worry
but as mama puts it, again and again, no use pondering on the past.
guess they were a little bit too excited about sending yeh abroad that they took the deathly jump, putting him through an accelerated course for engineering, and settling him with those 'no-worries' kids who're taking buss admin (sorry to offend, but we cant deny that engineering course n buss admin has a huge diff in the amt of efforts required, eh?)

afterall, the ex rate is simply killingla, from 2.2 when he first landed there, to 2.8 now..
balikla adikku oi
let's crowd the small house
and join us in the toilet sharing
5 (3 boys)to a toilet wouldnt be that bad..........

i just love the scene at the office carpark today
i saw at least 10 ppl caressing, flaunting and talking about their cars..
so much passion and respect they have for their machine
and really dont mind the loud music from those cars..
rasa mcm tgh raya apa ntah
simple brighten my morning

it's ramadhan
and i'm so glad i'm back at home
last yr was much of an experience. i've read everywhere about puasa in hostel, in dorms, during uni yrs. But i guess my puasa in brissie was one of a kind. It was the worst and yet the best experience. Oh well, no more braving the brissie summer heat for a decent kilo of halal meat or the staple kicap manis ABC which is rudely MANIS. No more searching for the most refreshing cordials (cordials there sucks, except for Coola by Coatee's, i think). No more terawikhing alone.

but balik2 ni mcm less quality pulak my puasa.
missed 2 terawikh already
just merely on first juzuk of The Quran..
the comfort of being at home, mcm byk je distractions, astro, studies, letih keje..
ish ish ish

it feels as though i've been gone for ages dah..

took wed n thurs off last week, so had a blasting long weekend.
before i forget happy deepavali n selamat berpuasa to all.
and of course, happy bday to me, and all october babies out there.
thx for all the well wished from everyone.. and yeah, got to admit, i'm such a bitch the other day

and he was such an angel.. here comes the full report..eheh

21 oct 2003
so he did turn up at our family dinner AND managed to settle that matters of his.
papa made a little opening speech, the typical picture of killing time after ordering our dinner, with a cigar in his hand.. he went.. we are gathered today ANAK-ANAK because blablabla...
again n again he mention the word our family, our family, anak beranak.. well, u know wat i mean, and that made me go red and all warm inside. in fact dearest was also blushing (to those who knows him, yes, it's POSSIBLE). Dinner was so, so great. Never tasted anything as authentic at that price before. It's a vietnamese n nyonya fusion seafood restaurant in kelana jaya, somewhere near FAM n the dewan serbaguna, i'm recommendingla ni, if u want details, mail me. we had big fat prawns, fish, squid, chicken, 2 types of mushroom dish, crab and we had to order twice cos tak cukup2.. best giler!! abe n zetty pun dah comfy around jazmi. he'll be abe's officemate soon anyway. zetty has finally gotten over his physical factors and thinks he's cool now, kurang asam punya budak.

22 oct 2003

i cant remember but i think it was at 12am sharp on 22 oct, he called and sang happy birthday to me. and i just laugh before continue snoring. jahat gila. but it's my day, and it's only the beginning.

i'm beginning to think that an entry on my bday celebration is a bit too much.
but it's worthy of documentation and if u hate it.. BUZZ OFFF!!

he made a surprise visit, took emergency leave (?!!) to lepak2 with me. segan jugak kat mama but since he seems ok about it, and mama pun mcm cool je, continue with her usual busy routine, so we lepak jelah. he layan zetty tgk cinta 3 musim for the zillionth time while i study by his side. bday girl pun kena study jugak cos she's just received confirmation of her exam application and not even 50% through the syllabus.

12.30 pm, i received a bouquet of yellow roses. siap ada special message from the delivery boy lagi. i'm just so in love, not the flowers la, but the sender. and i'm begining to think that i will never be receiving any of those conventional intense red roses anymorelah, cos i told him i like yellow.. ahhaha.. but i love them all the same.

had lunch with him, had coffee with him while .. i'm going to declare this to the world.. figuring out nama anak2.. ahahaha.. more like making fun of the results of both our names combined. u know, the usual thing high school couples do, but really hold on to. no way, not in this caselah.. and we havent settled on any names yet.

dinner with him again.. ahahaha.. my parents kasi chance je.. whole day ok.. my mom siap puji2 lagi the make up and everything, tolong pilihkan kasut.. mcm nak gi date mende je.. ehehe.. she made me nervous about it..
we went to jake's charbroil, damansara, and it was superb!! i had their nototious spare rib and i'm going to do the words of mouth marketing for them la.. it's out of this world. and it's not because i'm immensely in love with the guy sitting in front of me during dinner that nite.. but it was gila best. it's juicy, heavenly tender, and sweet. i had trouble finishing it sbb sayang sgt the meat... ahahaha. i learnt something new that nite, he likes his steak medium too.. aahhh... i just love our common interest in food.. ehehe

the desert was a guess watch which i've been eyeing for, kononnya to get with my first gaji. now i have my OWN watch!!!! and it's the one i like, from the one i like.. cool!

i belanja him mcdonald sundae before heading home.

23 oct 2003

dearest demam, took mc, came over. ehehe..
we layan all the movies available on astro
cooked him nasi bubur, his style

25 oct 2003
came over straight after office. lepak2 borak2 with mama n papa. papa suruh dia buat some DIY for the hse. mcm dah permanent resident pulak. then went for movie, Freaky Friday dgn cho and him. belanja both of them cos i felt like it. bought 2 large pop corn set and both finish theirs in a blink. kureng betul. noticed my fav chicken in town has landed in sunway pyramid. so we had a feast again. they had fun teaming up to kutuk me, apart from talking football and play station.

26 oct 2003
came first thing in the morning. went to get out DIY stuff with him n cho. lepak at my fav nasi lemak place. ali berkat jaya. highly recommended thought the chicken portion has been obviously halved. but since 2 halves was more like 4 dulu, it was ok. then went back and berprojek. install the new line for the new telekom phone for streamyx n talian cinta. ahahaha.. so cho was more than rajin to help aroundla.
2 long-time-no-see fren and a more-than-always-see fren came over and we had another domestic feast and karoke session. he was more occupied in the new play station games with cho n abe.
God this sounds like one happy family.
frens left only after a full hot goss session(instead of terawikh ni), before and after high school photo comparison, make up try out and a pizza and 2 murtabaks.
i'm full and happy

and definitely on cloud 9.
even sms papa, mama, win to say i love him.
yes i did. told u i'm in love.

ok, situation

tomorrow's gf bday
bf has been preparing for it since weeks
since it's their first time celebrating it together
last week bf bought something for gf's bday, out of anxiousness bf told her he got something special for her, and warned her, it's a bit pricey but she's not to mention anything about it, cos he doesnt care.
yesterday, bf went to get the wrapping paper, and wasnt able to spend much time on the phone with gf as usual, as he said, the wrapping process takes a little bit extra time since it's special.

today bf received a good news, bf secured a new job, with a huge salary jump.
both were ecstatic and had lunch together, for the first time ever, like other working couples, stealing time in between their professional demands.
gf is happy, she cant quit smiling
plus gf got herself 2 days leave
and bf told gf not to go anywhere tomorrow, just in case, if someone were to see her..
the not-so-blur gf knows, she's in for a surprise during the day tomorrow(which is not a much of a surprise afterall, but who cares, she loves surprises, so she'll still call it a surprise)
gf is still smiling

untill just now
gf's dad call, to bring fwd their family dinner to tonight since he has too many golf functions to attend later this week.
gf's dad asked gf to invite bf
for the bday, and to commemorate his new job
gf dunno wat's better than smiling.. laugh? it would be insane, cos it's not funny
but gf was happier than just 'cant quit smiling'

then
gf calls bf
bf cant make it
cos bf need to go somewhere to get something for the gf
and it has to be tonight cos bf's fren who's going to help bf with that something is only available tonight, that is after much persuasion from the bf
gf prefer bf to go for the dinner instead
this dinner would be super special
for gf's bday, for bf's new job, bf's first experience with gf's family's favourite delicacy-CRAB!
a gift is enough, afterall gf never received any bday gift/anything from a guy she can refer to as bf before
oh i forgot the part about the reservation at the best steakhouse in town tomorrow nite
so there, a 'pricey' gift, carefully wrapped and a dinner for two
is this getting too much
no bf has to go get this special thing with this fren of his
and skip the family dinner
bf wants to skip family dinner
gf is tak puas hati
gf wants bf to be present
bf insist to get this special thing
gf ask bf to postpone the special thing to another occasion, afterall gf just got bf ONE present for bf's bday and a dinner at their most convenient place, nothing special about it, at least not comparable to this ala Mission Impossible plan the bf has set
bf tak nak, the plan is like this and he will execute accordingly
gf starts to get mixed feelings
mad, upset, frustrated, anxious, pleased, sad, impressed, irritated..
gf feels childish, it's not that bf's going away to cuddle away with other girls, or have dinner with his best female fren, or even, an innocent football game with his buddies
he's gonna get her something
and she's sulking cos she cant have it all

now tell me,
am i a bitch??

on the way to work, erafm

"cantik baru cinta, atau cinta baru cantik"

pretty weird topic, almost redundant at first, until i listened to wat the callers have to say. one guy called up and opt for cinta baru cantik. "kalau kita dah cinta, lepas tu baru nampak dia cantik, maknanya kita bertuah sebab kita special, boleh nampak 'kecantikan' dia, biarpun org tak kata dia cantik. katakan dia hitam, tapi kalau kita tgk dia nampak berseri2 je, untunglah kita. org lain tak nampak tu. lagipun, kalau kita dah suka dia, dan kita dah nampak dia cantik lepas tu, walaupun org tak cakap mcm tu, takdelah berebut. lagi bahagia."

hey, i have to agree with thatlah. u think it's impossible to like/love one without looks? think again, it's the most rewarding feeling i think, discovering the little2 things hidden under the 'uglies'. noticing his delicate long n curly lashes, his cutesy little fingernails, his fat thick ears..err, i'll shall stop here. but u get wat i mean. it's the discovery that gives me the high.

afterall, i'm one of those under the category of to be cinta-ed first before the person can notice my dark brown eyes. ahahhaha...

how i envy his lashes!
jumpinf off the cloud nine.. off to work.. sorry for the jiwangness.

i got a sneak preview of my bday present from him.
it's NOT gonna be a thumbdrive.
darn!

the only useful thing i could thing of for my bday present..since the rest lies between the continum of amber locket to maybe amethyst locket.. hehe

why not a thumbdrive, cos according to dearest he wouldnt want me to start sucking all those multigigabyte files from work to bring home, hence no time for him.. hehe.. how d'hell did he figure this out?? a pat on his back. he did figure it out correctly. i was thinking of it, like, yesterday.

he's sneaking out with frens tonite, to get me that mistery 'green' thing. yes, the only thing i know about this yr's huha is it's green. oh well, we'll see.. i havent been getting much bday present since i cant remember, but thx to the brissie tradition of making a huge fuss celebrating each and every bday, i got quite a few of unexpected things which includes my neverbeenwashed bedmate - TITI. i'll put a picture of it laterlater. it has the most endearing butt smell.

taking couple of days off next week cos i'm seriously far left behind in my course. dearest dah sibuk2 warning. even refuse to have lenghty chats on the phone. ish, tensionnya. skema la bf aku ni. takpe, nasib baik jugak ada dia. nasib sgt baik. :)

geramnya, why do they have to dump all the stuff on me,
geramnya, geramnya,
boss from other dept pun dah start pandai2 suruh staff refer to me for info regarding my dept..
and i've a major presentation next monday
geramnya geramnya... i know bunyi mengada but i'm just so -- pissed off.
i just wanna be home, the newly rearranged family lounge would erase all this irritation.
and channel 11 astro.. i wanna go holiday somewhere!!..

i dont mean to publicize anything here but i feel the need to jot it down.
an ol fren of mine just called, and at the first 'hello' i know she wasnt ok.. and yes, she cried, and cried.. over a problem that she has been trying to deny. (i was having hard time playing aunt agony, cos 1. it's been soooo long since i played 'mommy' for the society 2.i was in my ultra quiet office, i think they can even hear her cry on the other end)

say, u got 2 guys, who likes u a lot, whom you like. one who's so perfect, financially, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually etc and oh Lord, he's ur bf. and one with flaws here n there, n maybe there n there, suffers complex like most ppl do, an occasional MCP, basically, just human enough yet seems to have the superficial power of understanding u before u can even open ur mouth.. ie, your soulmate or more accurately known as mr x-bf. who would it be?

it's devastating when u're in the muddle of your problems and talking to dear one does not alleviate any of those burden, but you KNOW mr soulmate has his arms open, and they have can automatically turn into your most comfy cry spot, the emotional panadol. Is it not wrong for you to turn to mr soulmate? it's sad when the first person u think of when u wake up everyday is that 'occasional MCP' rather than mr perfect. wat would u do?
seriously, i pun dunnolah. if i were her, i wont decide now, even tho mr MCP (see how mr soulmate turns into mr MCP progressively) gave his kata dua.

for me relationship is a process. having gone through a dynamic one (haha!) i think i've learnt a lot about it in the past couple of yrs, enough to understand that things take time, but it sure pays. i feel like telling her to stop clinging to that guy, (i dunno where i grew this resentment towards this guy i never met, maternal instinct maybe) and start opening up to the other guy. so mr perfect is not perfect afterall. maybe he doesnt know how to give comfort. so dear fren, show him how to. maybe that's the trick of the game. afterall i dont believe in the typical girls attitude of expecting the other half to read their minds. it'll steal the fun and induce gaduh je. been there. ehehe. even in a physical thing like sex pun u have to tell and show how, and we're talking about something as ambigious as feelings here.

i dont believe thing will work out like magic here. i know it sounds so unromantic. but no one will understand u overnite. even yourself. kan?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUU..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YING.BLOGSPOT.COMMM...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUU.....

HIPHIP..HURRAAAYY!!

brand new layout, brand new commenting host, brand new ying.blogspot.com who turns 1 today
and for the first time ever, narcissism has gone a step further.. yes up there, that's ying.

boss said i handle too many tasks, from preparing tender/price quote/order documents, to marketing plan, business plan, setting up billing database and liasing with customers AND suppliers. he made me tired listening to the list.
i dunno if it's a good thing or otherwise.
maybe he thinks i am capable (here's the word again) of multitasking
or i simply cant say 'No'
fact is all those tasks are listed in my Job description sheet, and it seems logic since i have 2 bosses to report to.
sapa yg screwed up now, me or the system?

on another note, mr boss is very happy with the presentation, said mine was the best in the group. even beat the one prepared by the grp's very own IT sub? hehe, tu my aim. In fact Mrs CFO is quite impressed too.

ms boss is away, left me a chunk of stuff to settle, which are settled, since both mr n ms are not around to bug.

enuff about work and angkat bakul, this is scary. (got it from ash)

this is totally waaayy out, and wat happened is waaay out too..
i am utterly SAD
i feel a wave of change is heading this way
nuffsaid.

this is a little self indulgence
entry meant for my own leisure read, 5 yrd down the line >> PLS IGNORE

i always like wat they say about october babies

OCTOBER: --> Loves to chat. --> Loves those who loves them.--> Loves to takes things at the center. --> Attractive and suave.--> Inner and physical beauty. --> Does not lie or pretend. --> Sympathetic.--> Treats friends importantly.--> Always making friends. --> Easily hurt but recovers easily. --> Daydreamer. --> Opinionated.--> Does not care of what others think. --> Emotional. --> Decisive. --> Strong clairvoyance.--> Loves to travel, the arts and literature.--> Soft-spoken,loving and caring Romantic !!! --> Touchy and easily jealous. --> Concerned. Loves outdoors. --> Just and fair.--> Spendthrift.--> Easily influenced.--> Easily loses confidence.--> Loves children.

pelikla, how do they manage to figure me out sooo precisely..??

got this from a fren, wanna know wat they brag about u, ask for the email lah, not the kind to automatically fwd emails sgt, malas

i should not start with the fact that work is abundance and i'm too busy

i went to watch cinta kolestrol last saturday, courtesy of hetz, thx mate!
bravo to me. another effort to support the malaysian film industry.

it's not bad, but sometimes i just dont understand why they cant use 'bahasa pasar' throughout a conversation. the weird thing is they allow english words in some sentence, the darling sana, darling sini, i miss u, i love u. call me yaaa?? but when it's a serious scene, they just have to induce humour in it by sentences like..ermm.."kau tak kenal siapa aku sebenarnya" or "aku berjanji, aku takkan sia-siakan kau, PERCAYALAH"...
oh yeah, may i add, this is from hetz, where on earth do u find lovers using kau-aku
shed some light on this pls.
of course, this observation is not limited to cinta kolestrol, in fact, the story did well with usage kita/saya-awak, which i dont use, but i know many do.
and, just a note, fat ppl do not necessarily eat dgn gelojohnya (see wat malay movie does to me), like potrayed in the first part of the movie, and, oh, i dont believe obeses turn to a bowl of fresh fruits for comfort. bring on the ice creamlah!

then on sunday, i watched cinta tiga musim cds, musim kedua, and part of musim ketiga.
where do i get all these stuff?? ehehe.. thx to a very malay brother of mine. and they're originals ok.
i must say i like this drama. it's beyond my expectation, n the fact that i am quite anxious to change cds after cds even when i'm not a fond fan of Aqashah or Amy mastura, must have earned this series some creditlah, at least from me.
The storyline is oh-so-jiwang yet it's realisticla i must say. I like all the fight/conflict scenes, cos they're just the was how they happen in real life, well, from experience and wat i heard here n there.
but there are scenes when i feel like hiding under the pillow cos the 'stare in the eyes' or 'the butterfly in the stomach'
is too long, far too long..
aku yg malu when aqashah stared at amy with the widest fake smile!!
coming from a person who never finish Titanic the movie, and still doesnt find a good reason to.

no-no, not turning into a movie critic or some sort. or those ppl who'll go all out finding faults in malay movies (not that it's so hard).. i watched it, in cinema, and i'm returning for more, maybe, so wat more can u ask?

mamapapa balik from perth tonite. i noticed i've been blogging about my work too muchla, i lost touch with the after-office-hour-me. and updates on jazmi finishing his exam, me buying baju raya material that matches his, the $1300 i spent on my beloved Waja (dont ask!), and my retail therapy with hetz which produces the very first make-up set, finally, which cost below $100.. complete with liquid eye liner k??

ahaha
got to go..

i know i'm mad.
i dont even know how this works, but it sure looks fun
and affordable... found a cheaper deal at amazon.com
how come nobody told me this kinda coolness exist

I AM GOING TO BUY IT.
i'm having millions of ideas wat to do with it..nevermind the film developing cost.

on another positive note
dearest received an increment, and his bonus has been announced.
dont know how much yet
but it is surely rezeki, which we didnt anticipate, notice the word 'we'..
eheheh... someone's definitely gonna get a bday present soooonn...

: )

i'm happy,
still , keje byk gila..

boss just came back, the whole buss plan has been thrown out.
meeting which was suppose to last 2 days, ends up even before morning tea break.
to revise the whole thing
deadline : tomorrow noon
boss has alerted us to prepare for sleepless nite tonite.

and i'm suppose to meet him tonite after 5 days of him being away.
either tonite or next week

i'd love to see him tonite

i'm just worn out by the news.

letihletihletih
ineedtogoback
butmyfeettootiredtodrivehome

boleh ke mcm tu
still kat office
keje mcm sial..finaly habis, or i want to believe so, at least for today
nak balik, too tired to go now

takpe, boss sendiri cakap esok rileks sikit, sbb dia takde, he wont bug me
yeah right

this is so not funny..

back
finally back

my throat still sore, and still plaghmy (spelling?)..of course u need not know the detail but that doesnt mean u wont know. work is pleasantly minimal today, after the wave of buss plan has subside, i never thought i'd see the shore again but here i am merrily swinging my swivel chair left and right.

dearest is away. having exams for these 2 weeks. translated into behave-n-dont-disturb-him season for me. which is oh-so-hard! mengadanya aku! so while he's away, i tried to occupy myself with my own CIMA study guide. which works well. i'm almost half way through the course, who would have thought. everytime i finished a chapter, i cant stop feeling good inside. this is working for me, i can actually study on my own. i actualy have, hey, discipline. eheheh.. nevermind the outcome of the exam. ehehe.. ada baiknya ada bf tgh study lagi ni, if u cant beat them, join them. seems perfect here.
actually i'm racing to cover most of the topics before the week after next, cos that's where his holidays start, n it sucks to be the one who have to turn down dates n turn to the books.

hey, this remind me so much of uni years. the charting of study plan, n finding little thrills in scoring the goals. n the high u get when u know u're 2 topics behind time, but u're catching up no matter wat. i know, i'm like that. i'm not those kiasu ppl who banks loads n loads of past yrs papers n start discussing the exam questions the minute they step out the hall, or even those who compares exam marks religeously. but i have my own madness.

so much for uni yrs, i spend most of my weekend tutoring the clueless bro of mine addmaths. yup. i never thought i could/would. but i did. n i still remember most of it. confident enough to teach is confident enoughla tu. waa! surprise me again! but yeah, maths is my favorite anyway. that's y i was more enthusiastic as a tutor than cho as the student. but he has no complains. he better not, since we all know n 'dont like' the pitch mama used when teaching zetty sifir, or papa's 'laaa...ni pun tak tau???' more often than 'this is how..'. he said maybe i should start a tution soon. perhaps for his frens, i dont mind. i dont demand. 50% of wat they have to pay the cikgu2 bertauliah is fine. hmm.. wattabout it? me, the add mths tutor. mr tan will be rolling on the floor laughing out loud. good, he can join mr lim when he finds out i'm doing CIMA, after a succesfull completion of an acc degree.
God, i'm full of surprises.

and i'm full of good vibes today.
Monday never felt like this. hehe.

maybe i'm better off as a student, than some exec who spends 8hrs a day in front of the PC

i'm sick, sick, sick

too many work last week, too many to even steal a minute or two to update
and now i'm sick
been down with mc for 2 days, and going to take half day today

anyway.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR!
glad u enjoyed the dinner. (u better say u did-u took half of mine)

celebrate2 punya pasal (sempat lagi tu), running nose n sore throat got worse and no sign of getting better. padan muka.
but it was worth it.
really2 worth it.

:)
snorttt...

now i dont really mind knowing that the yellow rose came from that cekik darah shop, cos it is somehow, very quality flower. day 2, it is still blooming, and the 'neck' of the stem is still as hard. i cant belive i'm keeping a daily account of that flower. teringat 'how to loose a guy in 10 days' and their 'love plant'.. i cant be that yucky!

work banyak2 gila.. i feel like some huge object has come tumbling down on me.. in fact collapsing into little pieces, for me to pick up and clear. halfway through, not even lunchtime, i feel tired already. help me lah God. the office is extremely busy today, i arrived at the office 1/2 hour earlier and voila! almost all is here and faxes are coming in and going out, photocopier is on trillion copies mode, phones are ringing ok! before i could warm the seat, the boss dah panggil, figures are in, gobble them up, digest!

phone buat hal lagi, on the way to the service centre, ok..tiba2 je..siot betul, dahla yesterday, when it happens, or more like when it's not functioning, i received lots of calls, from old frens, ok not lots, but at least 2.. and these 2 susah sgt nak call or return call. geram betul. nak trade in, not that cheap to get a new one. and bila pikir balik, it happens kadang2.. but i paid bloody rm420 for it, takkan i cant expect at least a phone that emit sound on the other end when i talk. lainla if the color screen suddenly go black n white ke.. but this is a phone, when ppl call i expect to hear them and vice versa. it's not the case here.

bila nak kawin laki kaya, duduk rumah goyang kaki, main game on my mobile phone, that works.

papa suruh buang the phone, get a new one. with wat? air liur?

rileks2.. pms dah habis pun still like this, 2, 3 minggu nanti another round of it, then takleh nak blame sapa2 dah, cos it's just PMS...

yesterday managed to finish a chapter, gila, it's totally new thinglah. thought it's just extension of wat i've learned. i'm playing with fire here. managed to cover a chapter of add maths with cho as well. God, he's clueless. and worse, he's just like me. one who should put double or triple effort to fully comprehend a subject, unlike others whose brains work concurrently with the teachers writing on the blackboard.

i'm off to work!

i like flowers and i love yellow, and i got this last nite. my first ever, yellow rose, in fact my first ever rose, or even, flower. thx dear! i am so malu to say this but my jaw hurts from smiling last nite. damn it, i'm a typical girl afterall, 'cair' after a yellow (hey, that's not that typical eh?) rose !

perfect sunday, lepak reading free mag (courtesy of an unlucky absentminded person) and free coffees n muffin @ coffee bean. enormous 1901 dog. yellow rose.

and someone has to spoil my Monday, not that it's not already spoilt just by being itself. Geramnya dekat the despatch. ok, i know i'm probably half his age, but that doesnt mean i dont need to be respected. it's his job to pick up n delivery stuff, y does he made me feel like i'm asking favor from him. and especially when i was being nice, with the 'mintak tolong pls encik blablabla'. looking around, i might be one of those few courteous young exec around, and yes, when i say courteous, it's not just to the boss. sial la.. haa... (habis puasa aku) the fact that he knows i'm new, that shows i am not familiar with the procedure, and it's not like i assume things and deal with things my own way. senang je, boleh amik ni tak? ooo, tak boleh, tak cover that area, the other person cuti.

y must he go ha, nak apa? awak ni sapa? kenapa shah alam saya kena ambik? oo..saya keluar despatch, esok baru balik, byk round (smirk)....nak urgent ambik sendiri, bukannya jauh.. tolongla wei, it's your job. and mind u, i wasnt being bossy. siap bagi salam n all when i see him. ni yg rasa nak kerek je dgn non-exec ni. sometimes when kita baik, mulala... mentang2 i'm young. plsla.. geram betul.. like i cant function without him..

huh!!..yellow rose, yellow rose, yellow rose

inhale, exhale..
welcome another week..

doesnt look like a place on earth? well it is,
right in front of my house in brissie..

hey ppl, i know this thing already!!hurrayy!

dear blog

office hours over
online with papa
the new project
new for him, probably something new for jazmi too : )
after a week of helping him polish his resume, n sending some to various companies
now this

God has answered my prayer again, this time, as timely as i wish it could be.

eager. am nervous at the same time.

i listened to era.fm on my way to office today.
their morning chat topic of the day was 'isteri berubah selepas berkahwin, or maybe suami isteri' i dont quite know , cos i only managed to listen to one caller before shifting to another station

he got on my nerves.
this guy was complaining about his wife, how she balloned after the 1st child and was being ignorant about her body image with the arrival of the kid.
"saya dah suruh kurus, dia buat tak tau je, hari2 jaga anak, jaga anak je.."
"isteri kena la jaga badan, kalau masa kawin mcm tu, lepas kawin pun mcm tu la"
the Dj went on suggesting that the wife should go for exercises n gym.
"apa kata dia pegi gym hari2 kan, hari2 dok kat gym" at this point i think the DJ was being sarcastic.
and the man goes "ha, sepatutnya mcm tu la"

God!
jauhkanla aku dari manusia2 mcm ni.

though i agree with the fact that man n woman should at least try to look their best, n most importantly be healthy for each other, n for the relationship, even if (or especially) the relationship spells marriage, i think it would be a shame to have your husband complaining about ur lack of effort in self management, esp due to attending HIS own kids, on air.

wateva happened to for better or for worse?

it's 5 past 6, i'm suppose to pick up my cousin, zetty's playmate on the way back home. promised my uncle i'll be there at 6.30, but think i really should put this down.

been reading my entries in oct last yr. (i like myself too much u see)
noticed one thing
all the thing i prayed for, i wished for then, ARE already granted.

on my 22nd bday, i made a wish for 3 things

a degree
back home safe
him by my side

and here i am still complaining.

in fact, somewhere along the way, i did wish to loose some weight, and though i gained all (and some extra) back, i did lost 10 kg in total

Ya Allah, please forgive me. forgive my ignorance. forgive the unthankful me.
I am deeply grateful for wat i have now, for where i am and for wat i am. Thank you Lord.
Thank you.
Amin

i'm so glad i stumbled into a few blogs i havent been to, or heard of today. it's soo refreshing to know that there are other small-scale blog owners like me around. those who talks nothing but of themselves. perfect. a perfect source of knowloedge. wat am i talking about?? alah, simple, i am more interested in ppl's life than in research findings, debates, the meaning of that and this, the implication of that n this. shallow? ok, if u think i am. but i learn better that way. i just dont have that sort of attention span it takes to read a long winded blog entry/comments on some profound grey stuff.

i have a project coming up. it's nothing big, but i think it'll be useful (for me, ONLY) and i'm looking fwd to this.

i was reading this person's account on one of his chatting experience. it clicked the 'refresh' button on some of my memories on chatting. maybe it was the main reason why i'm here. if i didnt chat, i wouldnt have become such a net addict like i'm now, amounting to my own blog. well anyway, chatting has taught me a lot of things, good lessons, through bad n good ways.

i discovered everything i wanna know about real-life sex n its happenings in msia thru frens on the net. enough to prepare me for the adegan sex bawah tangga by edisi siasat. and to avoid my jaw dropping to the floor hearing news about this n that girl in highschool/college losing virginity to this and that guy and the WHEREs and WHENs. though i was really active in the chatroom during late 90's when the prono vcd of this n that is not the most heated discussion at the mamaks, it has opened my eyes. i was de-naive via the net. from 'whooaa...serious?' to 'ic'. in fact i'm not surprised if some of my frens would think i'm not a virgin, simply because my knowledge in this sort of thing, down to the minute detail is vast. my vocab of these 'vulgar' as some might refer can also be broad considering i dont swear (well, not that much) .i read. i watch. and i chat.

well, among others, that was the highlight of the chatting experience.
and of course, there is this guy who insist on using 'abg' though he is only a yr older, one who has never give up on my kemalasan reply email or phonecalls, in fact still continously call me, to congratulate me on my spm, scholarship, bf, degree..
the never met ghost fren of mine for 6 yrs, shares overlapping circle of frens, sorrows n joy
my dear fren who dont need any more mention in this blog cos there'll be too much

and mister j.

: )

i'm glad i WAS online.

hey, got the archives sorted out, so nothing went missing anymore.. just one thing.. the pictures. i'll put them up, i promise, now i know how, remebered adi was telling something about converting the files. i'm getting comfy with my html. oklah, mainly cos we're endowed with
blogskins

studies my first chapter for the exam last nite. accompanied by cho n his selection of slow songs. God, his slow songs are (pathetic) SLOW songs. but yeah, it did the work, and i was singing along, and studying. reminded me of uni days, but i have company here. true, i prefer studying alone though. my own pace. making my own noise, screwing up lyrics. to think of it, i never had any study group. but i do have partners. and through all these yrs, i always wonder y, even my study partner, has to be a guy. i guess i'm just more disciplined that way.

the hols are here. the traffice is clear. (it rhymes!)
and the sight of my bro n sis sleeping, or watching tv, or enjoying exagerated breakfast, is really annoying. but thank God, at least the traffic's clear. and i can leave home 1/2 hour earlier. dont have to send zetty to school, no more morning tension. (she doesnt know how to tell the time, so when she's done n i'm not, i'm considered late, nevermind the time..and of course, she's the princess..or in fact, the Queen)

on another note, i was thinking of spending some $$$ on vanity this month. just bought a $50 shampoo, that's suppose to add volume to my hair, going for whole range of those skincare products, toner, moisturizer n wat not. (was belek2ing my face the other day, and God, it's AGING, and it shows). i'm hoping to also get myself the my first ever make up set. yes, not the AUD$2 red earth( (esprit in msia) lipstick, or the Johnson n johnson compact powder (i'm just waiting for the time till zetty gets one herself), or the buy 1 free 1 item my fren n i split among us. i want my own set. not just any set, the set that suits me after thorough consultation. hehe, i'm crazy. this is not wants for a 23 yr old. it must have been need for most of my peers ages ago. darn! just yesterday, my colleague told me i look pale. when i wasnt sick. so i guess what she meant was, go put urself some color. and since my job involves meeting ppl jugak, to a certain degree, well, apart from updating my blogs n those data entry rituals, heh!, i guess i should 'age up' n join in. afterall, all of them here do make up, and some overdid. and since i'm earning now, sitting on it waiting for my parents to go crazy n offer to buy a set is pretty useless. but of course, my bday is not that far away. oh, i am soo kedekut.

was over here (office) for the weekend. finished all my parts though the buss plan is still in terrible shape. today i annouce leave for myself. very2 tired. but my fingers are still cool for a new template, so here goes..

mariahcarey-ish.. me n butterfly.. hah, since when, i just like the diff shades of green and of course, the butterfly, it's very detail, very authentic. at least i think so lah. uploaded nero at the office, so i can store lots of stuff here n burn it later. i've got some photos (like 500 of them) in my hard drive now, wish to share but dunno how. how aa??

dont feel like ranting much today. havent even visited most of my fav blogs.

i shall spend my next full hour on writing those years old letters, then settle some little2 stuff. there, i should be clear at least till they come up with the consolidated figures for the presentation. oo.boss said he likes my powerpoint n write up a lot, precise, meaningful, creative, very comfy on the eyes n . good choice in color coordination too. i should be an interior decorator la i tell u! speaking of which, i think the Casa Impian in ria is not that great afterall, 3 series n that's it, his styles repeat itself, bedroom ke, lounge ke, dining, they're all the same. the typical zen/balinese stiff set up. like how is an old granny suppose to sleep on a bed furnish with raw Thai silk runner. think fresh white crispy cotton, fluffy duvets and sea of pillows. i miss bed!

ying gone GREEN. how d'ya like it?

i can almost always hear the little voice in me talk. i know it happens to all , pls say it does, but i believe mine is a bit too often and sometimes too loud. maybe i have a talkative 'little me' inside. i learnt a bit of psychology in my second yr and this thing is common, though a more severe case have a clinical name attached to it, and i firmly believe that mine never falls under this category. at least i dont feel haunted by it, or motivated just because of it.

this little voice of mine is more often than not redundant. as much as it can be annoying, it often go away in a blink of an eye, if i wish so. cos, let's face it, it's me.

i dunno where i'm heading with this, but today i feel like ranting. cos tomorrow, saturday, and sunday, which is the global weekly holiday, i am expected to be here to complete the damn business plan. so let me steal a bit of time here. cos they're gonna take away my whole weekend, not to mention the only weekend in this mth where jazmi's class is over by sunday noon. oh well.
(though some may find working on sat/sun a routine, i dont. and my body doesnt relax that way. as much as i dont own a happening life, i like it that way. so wat if i always spend time doing nothing during the weekend anyway, at least doing nothing shows some respect to my brain n body motor)

inhale.......exhale

ok, back to the little voice. i was driving to office this morning when i realize that the journey is getting shorter n shorter by day. start the engine, drop zetty at her sekolah agama, then suddenly, the office gate. thanks to the little voice.

the little voice likes to tell me stories. she reminds me of good n bad stuff. i have to admit, sometimes i let out a few 'errkk!' and "ishh!' when 'she' reminded me of embarassing moments. sometimes it never occur to me that it was embarassing, till 'she' point it out, smiling. just now over lunch, i think my social skill was down to negative. i realize i cant communicate when put with a tablefull of newly introduced male colleagues. and i thought, so wat. i'm just a typical shy, low profile girl. but 'she' kept bugging me to ask this, and that, and was making faces at me for being/acting like such a sissy. and yeah, i went emm..err.. a lot. and now, she's still bugging me. she's getting louder n louder by the day i tell u.
no, i'm not crazy. i'm just a proof that ally macbeal is not alone.

maybe she appears cos I say less these days. i think the amount i talk to everybody at the office or at home is in a week is the same amount as wat i used to chitchat with hetz n shaz back then, or shina n yea.. or anybody IN A DAY. the only person to lessen the gap is jazmi cos i talk to him 24/7 and yet, he is one competitive chatter to have, cos both of us can be a keen talker when together. (and i dont suppose that's a jiwang remark non/mal!) but one mere person.. this is not healthy.

so while the real me is on silent mode, in fact very2 silent as referred to as my colleagues (shaz n hetz will be laughing their ass off), the little me inside will do all the talking, like it or not, for only me to hear.

dont get me wrong though, i'm not lonely in my office. almost never.

afterall, a self-lover will never really despise a quiet chat with herself.

i hate to say this, though i mean it, have a GOOD weekend everyone!

sigh..
that was the fastest 5 days in my life.
and this sunburn is the mildest ever, considering i was baking under the sun at noon for 3 consecutive days.

all in all redang was fine..exactly how i would imagine it would be
all we did was sleep, eat, sleep, scrabble, snorkel, eat, sleep, kayaking, eateateat..pillowfight.
i really2 need the break and wat berjaya resort redang had to offer was perfectly wat it takes for a nice getaway.
the resort is deserted, the only way to get to other resorts or civilisation (wat civilisation) was by boat. the area is endowed with a nice secluded lagoon with the whitest ever sand i've ever seen.. u know the kind in the hourglass.. haa.. that fine, that white. the chalets are along a small fishpond, connected by platform, really serene and very kekampungan..
there were loads of banana leaves around, mama 'curi' some to pack our homemade nasi lemak.
yup, the lady still cook during holidays, cos papa cant swallow hotel food 2 meals in a row.. ehehe.. equipped with a small rice cooker, a pan and a smal portable stove, like one of those 'penunu Bunsen' (Godd!!) except for it's flat. i think that was illegal, to cook in hotel rooms, and it simply made the meal taste much better.

we went snorkelling half a day. slept half a day of the 3 days. eat 4 meals a day,and i mean MEALS.
mama n papa were really on honeymoon mood, that most of the time i've to attend to zetty building some sandcastle, only to be destroyed by cho and abe. but the 2 lovebirds were almost oblivious to us, their kids. let them be lah. it's their 24th anniversary anyway. at least we should be glad they drag us along to their 167th honeymoon holiday.. eheh.. ok, exagerate.

on the way back, we went to kb..ok maybe that was not on the way, but we figured, rather than spending a nite elsewhere and hitting the 6 hrs journe the next day from middle of nowhere, it's better to go back to Tok We's and spending the extra hour or two from kb-kl. Tok We is getting better. She is even strong enough to greet us at the door when we reached her house. I went dead that nite, in the middle of my aunts n uncles chats. to compensate, i woke up early and sat by Tok We to hear her stories...and as always, she got quite a few.

on the way balik, while the rest are sleeping and papa is alternating between nuts, asam, sweets and goreng pisang to avoid sleepiness, i watched Dil To Pagal Hai, alone.
ahahaha.. thanks to the technology that i like most about nissan serena. hindustan to kill my 3 hours of boredom. it work like hell... though it annoys papa to the same amount.

now back in the office.
good news, the buss plan is only to be completed next week. this means i've to come up with the write up ONLY. fuhhh..legaa...
but greeting me in the inbox this morning were pile of "nik, can u attend to this, URGENT"
and some may not even realise that i was on leave for 2 days that they happily mark today NOON as deadline. hah! screw them.. eheheh

on a totally diff note, i received an email from a fren. announcing his wedding to another fren of mine. and these 2 belongs in my closest circle of frens. the first 2 siblings of 18. God, it's happening! As much as i am happy for them, i cant help feeling a teeny bit of fear and quite substantial part of jealousy. Darn, it's happening again, i'm turning into a devil.

while i was away, my dearest.. (aftermuch contemplation, my baby, my man, my boy, my wateva) was looming around here. and everytime he did it, i feel embarassed to the extend of shutting this whole blog down.
but then again
naaahhh!!

enough already
i can hear my boss asking his secretary to call me in..
ta!

p/s: dear, thx for buat2 sibuk while i was away stranded on the island (macamla) which does not have any phone coverage nor a public phone. now u know how i felt when u were in tioman..we're equal now. cheers libra!

work banyak gila babi, haa.. amik kau..
as usual i'm here
not too long i guess

need to set up/come up with the business plan by end of next week and since i'll be away till wednesday next week, i foresee a hell-ish thrusday and friday. God bless me! Just wat i need after a long holidays.. a stiff deadline. matilah aku.
dahla the boss sibuk emphasize he wants changes in this one. radical changes that reflect a brainchild of a distinct scholar. amende aku merapek ni.. but exactly, that's wat he says. u went to study oversea, u receive scholarship, u are selected, blablabla.. i think if he cuts down on those stuff, then perhaps i can get right down to my job faster, and deliver timely. as it is now, to deliver an updated template of last yr's one is good enough. matilah aku.. matilah aku..

arghh.. apa2pun..
REDANG.....here i come!!!!!
4 days 3 nites tuu.... i'll be baking some fat ppl!!

aku dah gila

it's time to go

happy merdeka malaysia!!
sorry i havent put the flag on my car.. i guess it's too late already... next yr, next yr

happy holidays to all, and thx for the comments, as u can see my mood rollercoaster is getting steeper and steeper. sorry..

it's 28th august, and so it's mama's bday
HAPPY 48th MA!

i'm feeling a bit weird today. i've no mood to do anything. i'm constantly hungry. i feel hurt. and i dont wanna talk about it. i got an asthma attack just trying to last nite. yes, the sudden panting and wheezing and heavy coughing.drama eh? enough said.

actually, i'm beginning to not see the purpose of this blog anymore. i read most of the archieves and more often than not, it only documented my sadness. wait, that could be a purpose. a shoulder to cry on.

oh no, it's sipping in again, i feel mean. i'm mean. i dont want to be mean but i am mean. if there's anyone reading and thinking it's probably the J guy again, yes u're right. again. exactly my point. i'm tired. enough already. can i quit now?

Today is probably the most unproductive day for me, since i started work here.
It's Friday, so it's self explanatory.
the other reason is probably i'm brain dead now. and they dont expect a brain dead person to write a speech for the MD detailing about a mobile clinic with ENT fascilities. yeah. i'm doped. that's another reason. beginning to enjoy being in a place administering tenders, free mooncakes, free holland toffees. habislaa..

i have nothing in particular to write. i can write paragraphs and paragraphs about me, but i just dont want to. wait, that's something new. not wanting to write ABOUT ME anymore. maybe i should write a whole post on it. then it'll be another 'about me' entry. see, it's going nowhere. let's talk about something else then

tomorrow's zetty's bday. she's turning 8. and i'm suppose to get her this jewellery box, the one with a ballerina twisting around to the typical drama melayu music. i dont know wat she'll use it for. but it's within budget. and plus, i dont have to crack my head thinking wat to get her. but then again, as soon as she opened her eyes today, she looked at me and say,"adik rasa adik nak beg la kak ying" hmppff... i just nodd, it's 6.30 am ok. kids n bdays. i dont remember cherishing mine that much. i think mama had more fun organising it that i do celebrating it. i grew old fast. i didnt get fascinated by simple stuff long enough. and now it's coming back to me. finding an extra RM2 in my pocket is considered an ecstatic experience.

well, anyway, for tomorrow's party i'll be helping mama with the kids sandwiches. this i like. and i've to admit i'm very fond of mama's party sandwiches till now. the three layers of bread which sandwiched tuna or eggs or cheese. lined with thinly sliced tomatoes or lettuce. cut out into cute little triangles. and i'm preparing them tomorrow. glad to inherit this speciality. (it's sandwich jelah ying!)
oh yeah, i guess mama expect me to come up with a creative package as giveawayas to the kids. over breakfast this morning, mama said she might just buy them to senangkan cerita. but the little princess objected. "Tak creativela mcm tu ma, tak special" I think i must have given her the most disapproving look ever, that mama just feel the need to defend her, " she's not even 8"

and, this time, papa has decided to join in the fun, on top of his usual sit in front of tv and asking wat's cooking every 10 minutes. oh yeah, he's also the official food taster. only mama has to prepare a special portion for him, with extra tu la, extra ni la. this time, papa will be organising a karaoke contest for the guests. kids n adults contest. not surprising, he's one of the participants, yes, participants. not judge. not even an observer.

think we'll be having a blast tomorrow. with the spanking new home system. i think the whole block's gonna rock! (yeah right, i saw the list of songs includes ramlah ram's number).

see..i'm capable of writing about other ppl. maybe i'll write about MY family more often..ahaha.. i'm sure stories abt papa will be worth an entry or more, a 48 yr-old guy who demands his kids to set up a friendster account for him is no doubt a hilarious character.

till then, have a good weekend!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ADIK!!
May u live well and take after me..ahahah.. narcissistic returns!

work is abundance at the moment
that's y i'm here.. i like the thrill of stealing a bit of time off my office hrs to do something so personal such as airing my life on the www. no lah. it's lunchtime. and i've just read a couple of blogs.
reading others usually tempt me into writing an entry in my own.. though it may not be as profound or as happening as aiz'a entries, or as hilarious as woody's, at least i make some use of my space. useful or not is a whole diff story actually.

tonight i'm going squash-ing with jazmi. missed last week session, so looking fwd to this one. he's getting better at it. i'm just a goner. the other day we played 4 sets, yes four, and he beat me in 3. darn! i can be a sore looser when it comes to competing with my bf. teruk kan. but i'm 4 yrs younger so i'm allowed to be so. 4 yrs, who's counting, and as though it matters.. but since the number is there, i'll say so cos i want it to have impact. i wanna i wanna

ok.. here's a confession. i've gained almost 15 kilos since i came back from brisbane.

meaning, 7.5 mths, 15 kilos.
i gained 2 kilos per mth.

wait, some more maths. back in aussie, i lost a total of 10kg in the span of a year.
around 0.8kg per mth.

something is seriously wrong. and this is not something that i realise yesterday, or over last weekend. i know i've been piling weight as if i'm preparing for eternal hibernation. wat i didnt realise was, my exageration in the last sentence is represented by 15 kilos. and that is deep shit. ok, sensible diet and exercises. i know. will i? I WILL. pills? no way. no way i'm going back to those blue pills which made me produce oily err..er..yeah, that thing, it's oily. or drink that wateva supplement that's suppose to make me loose 7 kilos in 7 days - the 'strawberry thick drink' looks like cum, it has a consistency like cum (although i'm informed that cum do vary in terms of 'thickness', but still), yes, i'm right, even my former hsemates agree to this. pale pinkish cum which doesnt even taste like strawberry. or better, i dont wanna go to that place which forced me to undress in front of them so that they can gaze at the amount of fat surrounding me. and despite the fact that we have to fork out thousands for the treatment, they couldnt afford to buy an extra inch of cloth for the robe that we have to wear to move around the premise. perhaps, they should just abolish the stupid green robe. afterall dozens of ppl there have seen almost every(stretchmark)thing on my body. but i've to praise them for the consistent 'u've-got-a-major-problem-girl' look they shower me. and that little lady who grew serious muscle after my massage session, she who thinks i should get thin and never my hair up into ponytails so that i can get a bf. yes, thx ppl.

enuff already. i'm making me sad.

i'm going home to my dearest, for a game of squash or two.

dear, thx a lot for sticking by, or even popping up and CHOOSING to stay when my BMI does not fall in the normal range.
hetz, thx for the article u gave me. i know it's kinda weird when i go "i'm shy to meet ppl cos i'm fat" but i'm just human. these things happen.