this morning
on my way to the office, i listened to a lady mengadu on the radio kena paksa kawin by her parents.. she's going to do it anyhow, because she doesnt want to hurt them.. the thing is, she was in a relationship with another guy for almost 2 yrs..

i know this is not my first time dgr cerita2 mcm ni.. i've watched some of yusoff haslam movies if not all (?!!).. but of course, those are cerita

now.. i dunno if i can do the same thing if the case were to apply to me..
but then again, i'm not one of those who'll go the distance for love.. takdelah nak berkorban.. nak fight parents and stuff..
but then again,(repetitivenya aku) being an ortodox me.. marriage is almost like a submission to me..
a girl, bila dah kawin will treat her husband as the most important creature on earth..even more important than her parents..
in a way, she submits not only her physical self, it's her soul we're talking about here..everything in his hand, wateva u say mister..(as long it is not contradicting with THE Master)
ok, he may be a good person.. provide u everything..but to think of sleeping next to a guy u dont like.. and having another guy in mind.. and of course, it's not just sleeping...
wat should u be thinking to steer away those thought about ur truly loved one? think that u're letting this guy touch you because it'll do your parents good? God, the association of 'parents' and the act is so, so, unimaginable..(though it is only through such act, and the association, u're here.. eheh)

well..
i wish the girl will do her best, open her heart and pray she'll be tenteram and ikhlas as a wife..
wateva it is, as long as she carry on her duty, i believe God will be with her
afterall, it's an ibadah on it's own
who knows.. his husband is THE one afterall..God is fair

anyhow, i salute her for her firm decision to marry her parent's choice despite her 2 yrs relationship
no, i'm not all for arranged marriage anyway, thank God i escaped one!
even if she decides otherwise, she owes a pat on the back.. for having a strong stand on stuff like this
being a libra i am, i dont think i'll ever manage.. : )

hari2 jumaat ni mcm baik je
nampak benda2 baik je through troubles..
hehe.. reality is, i'm so, so grateful that my parents have acceptedjazmi despites their insecurity over some matters
bila pikir mcm tu, i've got almost everything in my relationship already..
love and blessing

as consulted by adi,
i tried putting up my picture on this page...saje, giler glamour
but tak jadi ah..
nanti2 la.. afterall try kat office pun, takde software2 tertentu kot..

i so very want my laptop balik..
oh did i mention.. the golden boy took my notebook to perth...
and he's been complaining about this n that..
beli lainla wei.. give me back my dearest

i feel like updating today
i will.. a few times.. later.. i think! : )
ta!

i really, really think i need to change the template of this site..
yeah, i've finally come to the point : bored

today i googled "blog melayu"
among the pages and pages of "blog melayu" resulted, i (realy)read two..
simply because they're easy-reads and both are in malay language which is comparable to my usage.

hmm.. maybe i should write in malay now..
or just turn bilingual..

pagi ni ofis sunyi.. obvious enough semua org dah habis keje for the month..
like i said, mcm makan gaji buta pulak.. left and right, i can only hear clicking of mouse(s).. sure semua tgh surf.. actually checked, and yup, mostly are lost in their own world(wideweb)

i really dunno wat to say now..

semalam i wrote a 4 or 5 para of stuff to post here.. sekali surver just snap "illegal operation" (memang pun!), then for the rest of the day i can only surf certain websites... geram betul..
now, i cant even remember wat that 4, 5 para is about... ehehe.. meaning it does not really matter

watson's having a warehouse sale this week, in city square.. fyi

the waja dah masuk workshop nak service before handover..

tengah2 free ni rasa macam nak buat cv pulak.. i havent any, can u belief it..
teringat RN (my mentor, godfather)
COMPLACENCY
mentang2 balikje dah ade keje, takde inisiatif langsung..
sorry to offend my bangsa, but i'm adapting well with the 'typical melayu' behaviour.. harapkan 'hak2 keistimewaan' and stuff.. never think ahead..never think of the consequences..

i can say that me and my friends are avid malay critics.. no we're not malay who critics, we critics malay..those malays on the street, just like us
i dont envision to become Dr M or any politician for that matter..
apa lagi head of any NGO..eheh.. jadi pengawas sekolah pun aku malas dulu..
siap kena panggil by headmistress..
alih2 masuk higher level, aktiflah pulak.. which exposed me to the miniature version of world politics..
it's ugly, i tell u
hence, i rather be an executive, keje dgn org.. tunggu std increment, rather than main politik sana sini, or lobby here n there for projects..
(heh, baru 4 bulan keje, bolehla cakap... excuses, excuses.. dasar melayu)

another observation
i think (most) melayu are "perfectioninst"
the bachelors want perfect wife
"aku nak yg muka bersih" (knowing very well malays complexion are not as delicate as the chinese)
"aku nak yg putih"
"aku nak yg pandai masak"
"aku nak yg ada degree"
"aku nak yg keje"
"aku nak yg pandai jaga anak"
"aku nak yg pandai jaga diri kalau aku takde"
"aku nak yg 'lasak'"
"aku nak yg manja"
"aku nak yg outspoken, intellectual"
"aku nak yg dengar cakap"
well.. though it may seem impossible, some memang nak all of the above and nnothing less..

"so, bila jumpa ni kau nak kawin la ek"
"oo.. aku tak nak pikir pasal kawin lagi.. enjoy dulu, kumpul duit nanti bini aku cuci kaki je masuk rumah"
"so, kau save berapa now?"
"bila aku nak kawin nanti aku save ah.."

perfect girl... perfect timing..
wat else can i say
but of course, it's only a (few) case(s)

"aku nak tukar keje ah"
"gi mana.?"
"..."
"dah apply?"
"tgk ah, bila company ni makin teruk, aku apply la"

"aku nak slim down ah"
"jom start esok"
"esok takleh, weekend"
"then?"
"next week kot, this week nak kluar..blablabla"
"kau target mcm mana?"
"yg penting masa wedding aku nanti, aku kurus"

"i mmg nak hantar my son study oversea..takleh la local ni.."
"u nak hantar mana?"
"depends ah scholarship mana"

semua org nak semua bende perfect
bukan melayu je
but i cant help it, through my observation.. it's getting obvious
often i witness minor conflicts between my non-malay frens and malay ones over wat can be done, and wat not..
"they" suggested business ventures..."we" shrugged it of with lots of 'tapi'..
"they" complaint about deadlines.. we say "we never met it all these while anyway"
"they" discuss about how to climb the ladder.."we" say we're getting another job
"they" got a job oversea.."we" say they pandai cakap
sometimes, i think it's just this place i am in
sometimes, it worry me sick

i'm noticing this trait in me lately...
and having a typical malay bf magnify the whole issue jugak
if we do get married, and breed, will i be mother of typical malays??

i may not be justified
it's just a thought anyway

(to all malay readers, no offence..this serve only as MY mental note.. and i have no intention of turning into another critic-with-a-blog)

i was browsing around..
i think this is a cool read ..
and this too (the one tittled ..And they lived happily ever after..)

for no particular reason.. i feel good today.. just good.. (no, not due to anyone's blog by the way)

oh, by the way, 'i' am getting a car.. finally
it's going to be a waja 1.6 (i hope).. papa's agreed to top up the monthly pmt.. hence, he wont have to dump and *K for the deposit.. at least till i'm marriedla..
yeah it's second hand, of course
i'm kind of excited
cos it's 'not' frequent that i ask for something as 'tangible' as a car from papa..
let me think, straight As UPSR.. no gift
straight As PMR .. nothing
6As SPM .. nope, not good enough..(darn!)
A level.. u got to be kidding me..
Degree.. well.. i shall think of Perth trip and their presence at my graduation ceremony as a gift.. and for that, i'm grateful enuff..

so, the car..
i'm trying not to think of it as an obligations of all middle to upper class parents these days, but looking left n right.. that's the way thing goes nowadays..
afterall, i wanna be calling it MY car.. and actually knowing by fact that it is my hard-earned..
keje baru 4 bulan, gaji ciput, wish macam2..
takpe, wont be long, then my husband will be paying for it.. or at least part of it (let see whom i marrylah ehehe)

anyway, waja ke tak waja..any car, thx for the car pa!
(and sorry i cannot fit -comfortably- into the traditional-first-car kancil or kelisa...even more sorry that you have something personal against wira or satria or kenari for that matter)

now (soon) i dont have to pre-book the car for my weekend outings(tenet)..weee!!..

hi
jazmi's secured a place in UTM..
he's continuing studies soonnn!!!!!

i'm veryveryvery pleased to learn this
but at the same time, i'm a bit concern..
his study will snatch him away from me every weekend
it'll steal our jogging time..
8-5 saturday sunday..

yeah, selfish me

think i'll give him my eastpak i used to uni.. miss those days

the board paper and mgmt report are due end of this week..
being a typical malaysia taskforce, our dept is in a rush today.. there're literally ppl running left n right..lucky they dont include me to do the running around.. it's an old building afterall..

anyway, at times like this, i usually resort to a personal space where i can pause and breathe for a while..others' blogs! eheh..

so i browsed and browsed..
and then i came to realised that ppl lead a very different kind of life.. each and everyone of them (duhh!)
i dont know why it never strucked me before but now i'm just so amaze by this fact.. just take a look at each blog i've linked on the left (which is not many).. those few ppl pun have a very diversed life already.. (or is it just the portfolio?biased sample eh)

from this two things arise

1. wateva problem i'm facing now is NOT the biggest problem on earth... there are others who're having it worse..

2. i am allowed to dwell on my problem as much as i can, as if it's the nucleus of everything under the sky because it's MY life.. and ONLY i will handle my problem..

so.. next time if u noticed me whining like there's no tomorrow one day and jump in joy the next day.. chances are, i've read someone's blog somewhere..

but seriously,
things has been better between me and jazmi over these few days..
not because of anyone's blog..
i have to thank mama and papa this time..(and for other times too.. ehehe)..
they have been so understanding about this matter..
i think it's because they too had it (financially) bad innitially...

pity how i already feel tired about 'chasing' money at the age of 23..

Happy Mother's Day
Selamat Maulidur Rasul
Happy Wesak

i'm in a terrible mood to blog actually but here i am..

celebrated mother's day by sacrificing 3 hours of my weekend grocery shopping and in the kitchen later..
cooked dinner for the whole family.. black pepper steak, baked potatoes with corned beef, vege blablabla..
tok we was here too... jo n wife dropped by and so i insist they stay for dinner too..
even jazmi joined in the celebration..
the only non-relative, invited by papa.. wat does it imply? hmm..

turned down the job offer i got the other day..
my instinct told me to do so..
went to my permanent company to see the senior gm.. he's a nice fella and we chatted a bit.. then i was shown my place.. which i'll occupy august onwards..
cant wait.. at the same time feel a bit nervous..

been jogging every other day since wednesday, except for today.. was not feeling well this morning, still is actually.. i'll elaborate later

opened our 'joint' account..
is nothing grand about it but it's worthy to note
now me and him will commit a certain sum each month.. no a big deal for me.. but i thought it is something for him to do.. cos the account is under my name.. he insisted it anyway..

ida, my cousin was 'dirisik' last wednesday..
her bf's parents came to seesee talktalk..
wedding plans are underway..
next, all eyes on me..

now,
having conflict with him ..
it's the same topic..nothing new, nothing exciting
it's sunday, the last day of my 5 days holidays.. and we went separate ways filling up the day..

i am so, so sad..
i wish there's words to describe wat i feel now..
it's not just one of those premature, ngada2 whining..
i am not PMSing for heaven's sake
i'm numb.. i can say i dont feel anything for the relationship now..
all i've been doing for the last 48 hours is sleep and cry..
yeah, been trying to reach out to all my dear frens, but i started at win..stopped at hetz..
i did cry while talking to win.. tried hard to hold back.. to no avail.. but of course.. i swallowed my tears cos it's not easy to swallow my pride..not with him.. not these days..
blurted everything out to hetz.. lega.. at least for a few second..
then nangis lagi.. mcm bangang!
anyway thx hetz..

at the moment i just feel berminyak, berlemak and tak guna..

I was just about to start discussing about shares… opening a CDS account and main share (within my limited means of course) with my fellow colleagues when one guy just look at me “Don’t .. you’re a girl”.I was dumbfounded.. is this another sexist remark I’ve just heard..

You’re a girl, Nik. You have money, u spend it.. Let your husband worry about all these kind of things.

I was dumbstrucked again.. I dunno why, the statement gave me instant sadness (ache, more like it)..I wasn’t sad because I was told NOT to meddle in these investment thingy .. as if his opinion counts..I was sad because I really2 want to just do that… use my money for something else, and let the old guy worry abt this.. but I know I cant
Cos as much as I want it, I want ‘us’ to happen, quick too
(happen = marry)

I had a fight with him last night..For the first time.. I feel the relationship is stale.. It’s not that I don’t look forward going out with him anymore,
it’s not that the butterflies in my stomach have died.,
it’s not that I don’t long for a conversation with him after a day at the office (or anywhere)..
But I feel that somehow time will catch up and there’ll be a point where I have had enough of just going out on a stroll in the mall..and overlook the real reason of being with him afterall..(which is not just about doing exciting stuff)
I want to go on a holiday with him, damn it!
I want to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner with him.
I want to wake up next to him.
I want to be doing anything, at any time, as I wish, if he wish.. and not think of the consequences..or strategize how to go about asking permission for it.. Do u know wat I mean?And please, I’m not talking about sex (only..hehe)..

I guess i'm beginning to truly understand why Islam promotes marriage as soon as you've reach puberty (baligh)..
Cos at the age of 23, i wont feel complete unless i am married..(and i'm not saying just to him)..in fact, i madly wanna get married..

i guess all these propaganda about having to get well prepared to get married are all delay tactics.. it's a matter or current consumption versus future consumption..

wat am i talking about..???
ntah... nanti2 lah sambung balik, nak blah dah ni
ta!
have a good weekend!

Been gone too long
Truth is I’ve been updating and not checking the website..which mean not realizing that the updates went kapooff in the air.. bengang betul..
Anyway, nothing significant happened pun..

In short, I got a job offer from a company in the group.. in buss dev.. they want someone with specific criteria and they want this person fast..
So I went for the interview (after being told by a colleague - who promoted me- that I posses these criterias..)
Bunyi special, so bangga kejap, but then again I was more impressed than flattered..
But then, the whole thing turn out to be a lil bit different that wat I expected.. they just need a person to stay at the office to provide support system for the whole dept.. ie, write reports, do research, compile data, formulate quotation..
So wat was I expecting? Dunno.. something which sounds (not necessarily is) more interesting than that.. hehe.. shallow? Allow me.. I just feel like it..
Oklah, actually I did some research myself, had a talk with my fellow colleague down at the place where I’ll be placed the next 5 yrs.. (he made) it sounds more that I want it to be.. ehehe.. hence, I’ll go with my first instinctlah : )
Lagipun, I’ve consulted few of my colleagues/seniors.. more confident in my stand now (wat stand?? Relying on others for confidence is a stand??)

Workplace.. I think I’ve finally STARTED to absorbed myself in the team here.. socially I mean.
I’ve been included in conversations (gossips) about my seniors, their relationship.. sexual preferences, their so-called mutant power.. their health problem (paranoia).. and somehow I guess this is just the beginning. There’s this guy who told me he’s starting to find me interesting and cool afterall (I was mute most of the time you see).. in fact he said I’ve can be kinky sometimes.. ok.. don’t ask me why.. I haven’t been sending double meaning msg to him.. it’s a matter of his opinion I guess..small matter

Hmm..wat else.. love life? Ahaha..
(Geez, I’m writing as if ppl are dying to know all these)
Jazmi went to Tioman for a bachelor party.. 2 of his frens are getting married..
He came back with a piece of coral (the dead one of course, washed to the beach), a dolphin glow in the dark t-shirt (tioman have dolphins ek?) and an address book with no marks or scribbling ‘Tioman Island’ on it-all, for me
I found the address book the cutest and thoughtful of all.. he bought it just in case the tshirt wont fit me (it FIT me well).. and it shows how desparate he was to look for something as useful to make up for the tshirt.. forgetting the fact that it is available in most next-door gift shop. Some may find this urrm.. lack of initiative or plain absent minded.. but for these kind of thingsla I found him.. cute. Ah well , it could be that thing call L.O.V.E anyway..
Oh yeah, he gave me some of his tioman pictures.. so, in return, I feel like I have to give him a few of mine..and so I did.. Is this normal? We’ve been going out for a year plus.. well.. I can say we survived a year of long distance acquantance (not relationship) but neither of us have any pic of the other.. (ok I lied, I have a few of those small pictures-which we took in that oh-so-small booth..but of course, that doesn’t count)

I’m a bit irritated now..
I don’t have a place to go for my long weekend (I took Friday off.. so that’s 5 days altogether).. I don’t have ppl to go to those unknown places with.. lynn’s having exam, hetz and me alone on holidays doesn’t make it much of a holiday plan.. jazmi is jazmi (he’s my bf, so technically my mom would never approve of us going on holidays, away, together)..ben.. I think I can only take so much of him.. heeheh.. I meant well though .. shaz is going to perhentian with her bf and their frens..
I dunno.. maybe I’m maiking things impossible
I can always go around kl or somewhere near, Bukit Tinggi perhaps.. but of course, my dearest don’t drive and wont drive my car and (sigh..) does not know his way around much.. yes, this is the point where I get irritated actually

Oh well, I guess I’ll just stay in kl, go jogging everyday, play snooker with him, lepak with Tok We.. 5 days..
Jogging… sheesshh.. been weeks man..
Oh, my diet updates, I’ve been halving lunch and dinner
In fact sometimes I don’t take heavy (rice) dinner at all.. and I only take dinner before 7.30pm..
Next, I’m going to train myself to not eat dinner at all.. just drink and soup.. maybe biscuits or slice of bread.. and.. emm.. I’m beginning to feel sympathetic to myself already.. DON’T
Oh yeah, with one exception.. when I’m out.. or when there’s guest
It’s been hardly 2 weeks, and I think I feel better..

Maybe wat I should do is to rebrand my diet thing as my ‘new way of life’..wat say u?

interesting twist in life..
my colleague recommended me for a post in buss dev. in my permanent co.
it seems that they want a person with certain characteristic for this post.. and they want him/her urgently...
i dunno wat characteristics we are talking about here but my collleague said i matched them well..
(well, innitially he was looking for this girl's contact- a senior of mine working under special instruction in the MD's office,.. but since where she is now is obviously more comfy than where she'll be placed with this job..and since wat is needed of her can be met by my characteristics-or at least i was made to think so.. this guy is not going to look any further)
hmm...

so i'll be meeting this guy from the dept this evening after office..
i've no idea wat i should expect here.. but with the big expansion plan the co has outlined.. buss dev would be the place to be lah... i think
afterall i'm just exhausted with this desk job..

the setback is one thing..
this department may be based in cyberjaya instead of bukit raja..
cyberjaya???
that's almost RM3 toll (one way) and 40 minutes drive away from where i live..
i dont even own a car yet..
now, the mileage..
being an accountant (accounting graduate) i just cant help thinking of the cost associated with this interesting offer..well, it's quite a sum
but it's a good co.. and a good job (assuming assuming)..plus they hunt for special (i'd like to think so) people for this post.. wat does that signal?? good prospect for appraisal? good advancement? good pay? ehehe.. too optimisticlah!

oh, just received a call..from the guy
he'll be here in about 15 minutes
i'm not too sure if this is an interview or anything remotely close to it.. but i'm getting butterflies
so that means i do want this job la kan..

just wish me luck la korang..
u never know when u need it..(almost always)