as anticipated, i had a very good nite last nite.. went out for a good dinner.. with good campanions.. and came back at a reasonably good time.. which conclude the evening as something more than just 'good'...
above all, i had the deepest..most satisfying sleep ever! the last time i had such slumber was ......i cant remember..
i practically woke up smiling..

how do u go about telling your parents that u wanna get married.... dont worry.. it's nowhere soon..
maybe it's one of life's little mysteries.. which vary from person to person.. or is it?
being the eldest in the family is never an advantage in this sense... plus having cousins who marry their first love.. after few months of courting does not really give me much hint. and their guys are mostly too (financially) prepared too..
so, i'm the odd one out.. well beside that one cousin who married a chinese.. which cause quite a stir in her family - not that inter-racial marriage is not common in my family.. but there u go.. i think no parents would jump in joy hearing this sort of news, at least not at first.
(no offence to anyone.. any race)
so i'm the odd one out.. besides her.. but she gets 5000pound sterling for her mas kawin.. and that was few yrs back.. when the exchange rate has already blown out to our disadvantage... and the guy's neuro surgeon.. care to complain??
so i'm the odd one out.. and most of my cousins are getting married, married or even pregnant at this age of mine.. well except for this one.. but i wont count that.. she was an outcast (or maybe she outcasted herself) the moment she reach 25 and still single..
dont tell there's something wrong with my family.. we're all normal ppl.. normal ppl who marry early..

so u see the kind of pressure i'm in now..
papa has stopped bugging me about this kawin2 stuff.. maybe he's aware that if he keeps bugging me than maybe i' could drag jazmi to his face and ask him to marry us there n then.. err.. ying, that's too harsh.. ehehe
but that's the truth.. they kept silent about it because they know i've plans on my own and they're too terrified to listen to it..
i wonder if they'd still be silent if this guy posses a degree and earn more than i do..
i wonder if they'd still be silent if he is just anyone but jazmi..
i wonder if they'd still be silent if this guy is anyone but still NOT shah..
i dunno wat kept them silent..
all i know i'm getting frowns everytime i announce that i'm going out.. everytime my handphone rings..they'll tail my movements..
i know i'm still far from being comfy about me-jazmi around my parents.. especially my dad..

sometimes i ask myself.. y do i have to endure this.. is it worth it?
of all people.. why am i having this this difficult..
i dont mean to brag but i never, never tell any major lie to my parents.. whenever i go out they'll know exactly where i am, with whom, by wat, wat for.. since i was allowed to go out till now.. till now.. and never did i lie to them about it...
when i fall for someone, or i have a crush on someone.. my mom would be among the first to be informed
i even tell them when i fall out of love.. or ended a relationship.. whenever i'm hurt by a guy
i asked their permission to stay in co-ed house in aust..
i told them about my sleepover at my guyfriend's place in aussie.. when n where n how my clubbing experience goes.. my holiday trips with my guy housemates... everything..
i have a wonderful relationship with my mom.. i never give my siblings silent treatment..we do go out sometimes..
i got them my accounting degree..
i came back from aust promptly.. though i've thought of continuing...
i implement all their plans.. go to good school, dont have bf till u're done with school, get scholarship, go oversea and come back, get a good degree, dont go out on thursday nite or whenever relatives visit..
i even did try going out with shah to see if it would work..
i offered to cook at home sometimes..
i treat them occasionally..
i never miss our family dinners.. and i sit to watch news with them daily..
i even still watch tv with mama under the same blanket.. listening to her stories/updates on her business/our family matters..
and i do this all willingly..
now i still dont think i'm justified to question this.. but why.. is this happening to me now... why cant they accept jazmi?

oklah.. enough enough
i need to go now..
going out with jazmi, hetz n jazlan again..
*sigh......