day 1
i dont even know if i can survive today
i'm officially G.O.N.E
tonight, i think i'll just cry myself to sleep
aahh.. just the thought of it lighten things up a little..
remember ying, this is wat u want (and this little kid on the left says it all..)
goodnite dear
hope u have a pleasant one
Sunday, February 29, 2004
Thursday, February 26, 2004
there's this senior lady in my office whom at first, i thought, was a nuisance. but she turn out ok, well, maybe a total opposite. she's a super dedicated staff and a frenly colleague too. and she constantly stops by for a little chat. but not today. today it was a total bitching session (which i hesitate to participate, u never know really) about the mgmt. u see, the mgmt here is very much screwed up. like in most companies. but really, the thing that gets on our nerve here is not a thing, it's not a system, it's not some stupid company policy. it's not a thing in fact. it's a group of high profile ppl, they wish! the lady was shaking when she was going on and on about this is stupid, that is stupid. she was totally demotivated, and i can understand why. towards the end, she even held my hand and her eyes went watery. yes, very dramatic for an office scene. but i pity her. i pat her back and told her to take it easy.
i'm getting the hang of things around here.
i dont even know y i'm documenting it here.. maybe cos it's part of my life now.. a huge part.
i'm getting the hang of things around here.
i dont even know y i'm documenting it here.. maybe cos it's part of my life now.. a huge part.
Wednesday, February 25, 2004
Tuesday, February 24, 2004
i sound too happy for the first working day of the week
i'm proud to announce that i'm, yet again, enjoying a meaningful and guilt-free relationship with food now. i had dim sum buffet lunch just now and maaaan.. was that great or wat?? colleagues are left with much satisfaction too - from the amt of food, and witnessing Nik in her true, uninhibited (feeding) nature (/capacity). finally eh?
ok, i'm definitely fasting tomorrow..
mama n papa are away on their annual honeymoon. ok i lied. but annual sounds sooo unrealistically romantic to not use huh? this time Bali. and it was a 'quickie' (i'm talking bout the trip) since papa wrongly booked for feb instead of march when they can enjoy an extended stay. oh well, but both were too merrily packing away to even care, leaving me (nasib baik with some $$) and the chipmunks to take care. dont mind really. irritating zetty is so much fun these days.
oh, mama's gonna get some wedding stuff, since it's cheap over there. when, where, wat and who's wedding is not yet determined. speaking of which, i've managed to finished around 100 boxes for ida's wed (while watching Nemo, Beauty and the Beast and Harry Potter 1 - babysitting is not as bad with the creation of DVDs)
and i've bought cloth for some new baju kurung. a pink one and err another pink one. but think i'll have to go get some more since mama said we're going with a color theme (which was yellow/beige) pulak for the wedding. y cant she just say so when i ask her BEFORE i bought the cloth. one pair of shoes for work. books for both of this semesters subjects. and a pair of blue jeans (bf helped choose the color, he thinks it's a 'ranggi' color). think i'm getting another pair of shoes and a pair of sandals soon. and soon after maybe another pair of jeans. and oh, finish SEWING the tops so i can buy more cloth to sew more tops for myself. so it's true when they say the ultimate person who can solve all your problem is yourself.. heheh.
and the buffet was cheap too!
ok, i'm definitely fasting tomorrow..
mama n papa are away on their annual honeymoon. ok i lied. but annual sounds sooo unrealistically romantic to not use huh? this time Bali. and it was a 'quickie' (i'm talking bout the trip) since papa wrongly booked for feb instead of march when they can enjoy an extended stay. oh well, but both were too merrily packing away to even care, leaving me (nasib baik with some $$) and the chipmunks to take care. dont mind really. irritating zetty is so much fun these days.
oh, mama's gonna get some wedding stuff, since it's cheap over there. when, where, wat and who's wedding is not yet determined. speaking of which, i've managed to finished around 100 boxes for ida's wed (while watching Nemo, Beauty and the Beast and Harry Potter 1 - babysitting is not as bad with the creation of DVDs)
and i've bought cloth for some new baju kurung. a pink one and err another pink one. but think i'll have to go get some more since mama said we're going with a color theme (which was yellow/beige) pulak for the wedding. y cant she just say so when i ask her BEFORE i bought the cloth. one pair of shoes for work. books for both of this semesters subjects. and a pair of blue jeans (bf helped choose the color, he thinks it's a 'ranggi' color). think i'm getting another pair of shoes and a pair of sandals soon. and soon after maybe another pair of jeans. and oh, finish SEWING the tops so i can buy more cloth to sew more tops for myself. so it's true when they say the ultimate person who can solve all your problem is yourself.. heheh.
and the buffet was cheap too!
Thursday, February 19, 2004
ying have no mood nowadays
ying is switching from too busy with work to too busy netsurfing too often
ying needs a new look
as if that would help
wat have i done wrong? i've halved my lunch and dinner. concentrating on protein, minimising carbs, lotsa H20. went jogging/walking twice a week, do weight at home (as how my late coach has thought me to do), i'm taking that traditional medicine which done wonders to my body, feel rejuvenated...and it's been 3 weeks already.
but, i'm not loosing any weight. in fact i'm gaining!!
i dont care if i'm not loosing but i feel/am healthy. point is who am i kidding here. anyone with my bodystat is too far from being healthy. i'm not even comfy in my own body now. i feel restricted. some movement hurts. to think that i was that person who enjoys jogging, swimming, netballing, squashing and everything else not a long while ago. now i just cant afford too.. it's too painful to me, physically, and emotionally.
wat happened to me?????
it doesnt help bf is merrily gaining too, esp around the middle region.. but that's another story.
i dont need ppl telling me boleh, cos that i know. tell me how, walk with me, see through it with me. pls i beg. help! help! help! dont just stay there and belittle me some more hoping that ur reverse-psycho will finally work on me. i'm a strong person i know, i did it once, i can do it again. but help me pls. dont make me sound like i'm all excuse. cos i race to go back home early from work to have enough time for my work out. cos i sacrifice the ectra time of sleep so that i can get up, make my bed and do some stretches. cos i endure million times of visit to the toilet to detox myself. cos i calculate everything i eat. cos i know how much i'm burning when i lie instead of sit and hence it's not a crime to lie instead of sit.
oo no.. this is eating me up. i see my frens i feel inferior. i see my colleagues i feel inferior. i look at the mirror, i actually hate wat i see. i tried to bersyukur, at least i have a complete physical. and i have a guy that loves me, despite all the excess weight. i've a job turning into a career. i've frens n ppl saying i'm a nice person. and from my 2 days course earlier this week, i learn that i gave ppl veryvery good first impression-something which i never expect. and it takes a lot of confidence and self-love to realize all this - cos some need frens to count their lucky stars. but the moment i opened my wardrobe, or sit at the dining table, open a mag, or even meet an average weighing person, in a snap, everything just collapse. i feel weak.
is everything falling apart or am i only concentrating on stupid stuff here. hmm.. even Ms P forgot to visit me promptly this mth.
ying is switching from too busy with work to too busy netsurfing too often
ying needs a new look
as if that would help
wat have i done wrong? i've halved my lunch and dinner. concentrating on protein, minimising carbs, lotsa H20. went jogging/walking twice a week, do weight at home (as how my late coach has thought me to do), i'm taking that traditional medicine which done wonders to my body, feel rejuvenated...and it's been 3 weeks already.
but, i'm not loosing any weight. in fact i'm gaining!!
i dont care if i'm not loosing but i feel/am healthy. point is who am i kidding here. anyone with my bodystat is too far from being healthy. i'm not even comfy in my own body now. i feel restricted. some movement hurts. to think that i was that person who enjoys jogging, swimming, netballing, squashing and everything else not a long while ago. now i just cant afford too.. it's too painful to me, physically, and emotionally.
wat happened to me?????
it doesnt help bf is merrily gaining too, esp around the middle region.. but that's another story.
i dont need ppl telling me boleh, cos that i know. tell me how, walk with me, see through it with me. pls i beg. help! help! help! dont just stay there and belittle me some more hoping that ur reverse-psycho will finally work on me. i'm a strong person i know, i did it once, i can do it again. but help me pls. dont make me sound like i'm all excuse. cos i race to go back home early from work to have enough time for my work out. cos i sacrifice the ectra time of sleep so that i can get up, make my bed and do some stretches. cos i endure million times of visit to the toilet to detox myself. cos i calculate everything i eat. cos i know how much i'm burning when i lie instead of sit and hence it's not a crime to lie instead of sit.
oo no.. this is eating me up. i see my frens i feel inferior. i see my colleagues i feel inferior. i look at the mirror, i actually hate wat i see. i tried to bersyukur, at least i have a complete physical. and i have a guy that loves me, despite all the excess weight. i've a job turning into a career. i've frens n ppl saying i'm a nice person. and from my 2 days course earlier this week, i learn that i gave ppl veryvery good first impression-something which i never expect. and it takes a lot of confidence and self-love to realize all this - cos some need frens to count their lucky stars. but the moment i opened my wardrobe, or sit at the dining table, open a mag, or even meet an average weighing person, in a snap, everything just collapse. i feel weak.
is everything falling apart or am i only concentrating on stupid stuff here. hmm.. even Ms P forgot to visit me promptly this mth.
Sunday, February 15, 2004
it was valentine
i stayed at home with my bros watching discovery, travel & adventure, mtv, cartoon network and some dvds during the day. finished 30 boxes of ida's wedding souvenir.
come pm, one by one left the house..
parents are already away with the little one and bibik..
bf.. naturally with classes till late nite.
in other words i was left alone at home on valentine. called hetz for help.
was lucky i still have some gfs to have a decent nite with the girls. and they too, dont give a damn abt valentines, or maybe they do but was unfortunate this yr.
so the expecting alynn, lish n hetz accompanied me.
boring lonely night turned into a delightful cook out (i forgot how i love a kitchen all to myself), dinner and chats
i guess it's the first valentines celebration for me and it was perfect.
i stayed at home with my bros watching discovery, travel & adventure, mtv, cartoon network and some dvds during the day. finished 30 boxes of ida's wedding souvenir.
come pm, one by one left the house..
parents are already away with the little one and bibik..
bf.. naturally with classes till late nite.
in other words i was left alone at home on valentine. called hetz for help.
was lucky i still have some gfs to have a decent nite with the girls. and they too, dont give a damn abt valentines, or maybe they do but was unfortunate this yr.
so the expecting alynn, lish n hetz accompanied me.
boring lonely night turned into a delightful cook out (i forgot how i love a kitchen all to myself), dinner and chats
i guess it's the first valentines celebration for me and it was perfect.
Thursday, February 12, 2004
oooooo..shit!
i forgot..
i think my 'i-wont-fall-for-the-Vday-commercialism' mindset has gone a bit too far..
i totally forgot abt Vday, well that does not matter now that i has set my mind to not celebrating it..
but forgeting the whole thing is a bit too much
esp when i have a special one to at least 'mention' abt valentines day to.
this makes me feel so un-girl.
how can i ever be a good gf with this un-girl feeling/attitude.
hah.. gilerwatever!
i forgot..
i think my 'i-wont-fall-for-the-Vday-commercialism' mindset has gone a bit too far..
i totally forgot abt Vday, well that does not matter now that i has set my mind to not celebrating it..
but forgeting the whole thing is a bit too much
esp when i have a special one to at least 'mention' abt valentines day to.
this makes me feel so un-girl.
how can i ever be a good gf with this un-girl feeling/attitude.
hah.. gilerwatever!
Friday, February 06, 2004
i'm in a lousy mood offlate.
malas to update
-tgh buat souvenir for ida's wedding. abt 1000+ to prepare and i'm working on it bit by bit, with help of few others during weekend. mama n aunt prepare the room, flower girls and the dulangs.
-got white rose from him. white. never realised how pretty white rose can be.
-not celebrating valentine's
-didnt buy valentine's card yet.. hehe
-managed to keep dinner 'minimal'
-on jamu nowadays!! haha!
-jog, squash and weight train each once a week
-havent lost any weight yet
-starting a new pastime activity : sewing
have a good weekend ppl.. it's a full fat week next week.. (dont u just hate the aftermath of long weekends/hols???)
malas to update
-tgh buat souvenir for ida's wedding. abt 1000+ to prepare and i'm working on it bit by bit, with help of few others during weekend. mama n aunt prepare the room, flower girls and the dulangs.
-got white rose from him. white. never realised how pretty white rose can be.
-not celebrating valentine's
-didnt buy valentine's card yet.. hehe
-managed to keep dinner 'minimal'
-on jamu nowadays!! haha!
-jog, squash and weight train each once a week
-havent lost any weight yet
-starting a new pastime activity : sewing
have a good weekend ppl.. it's a full fat week next week.. (dont u just hate the aftermath of long weekends/hols???)
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