ying have no mood nowadays
ying is switching from too busy with work to too busy netsurfing too often
ying needs a new look
as if that would help

wat have i done wrong? i've halved my lunch and dinner. concentrating on protein, minimising carbs, lotsa H20. went jogging/walking twice a week, do weight at home (as how my late coach has thought me to do), i'm taking that traditional medicine which done wonders to my body, feel rejuvenated...and it's been 3 weeks already.
but, i'm not loosing any weight. in fact i'm gaining!!
i dont care if i'm not loosing but i feel/am healthy. point is who am i kidding here. anyone with my bodystat is too far from being healthy. i'm not even comfy in my own body now. i feel restricted. some movement hurts. to think that i was that person who enjoys jogging, swimming, netballing, squashing and everything else not a long while ago. now i just cant afford too.. it's too painful to me, physically, and emotionally.
wat happened to me?????

it doesnt help bf is merrily gaining too, esp around the middle region.. but that's another story.

i dont need ppl telling me boleh, cos that i know. tell me how, walk with me, see through it with me. pls i beg. help! help! help! dont just stay there and belittle me some more hoping that ur reverse-psycho will finally work on me. i'm a strong person i know, i did it once, i can do it again. but help me pls. dont make me sound like i'm all excuse. cos i race to go back home early from work to have enough time for my work out. cos i sacrifice the ectra time of sleep so that i can get up, make my bed and do some stretches. cos i endure million times of visit to the toilet to detox myself. cos i calculate everything i eat. cos i know how much i'm burning when i lie instead of sit and hence it's not a crime to lie instead of sit.

oo no.. this is eating me up. i see my frens i feel inferior. i see my colleagues i feel inferior. i look at the mirror, i actually hate wat i see. i tried to bersyukur, at least i have a complete physical. and i have a guy that loves me, despite all the excess weight. i've a job turning into a career. i've frens n ppl saying i'm a nice person. and from my 2 days course earlier this week, i learn that i gave ppl veryvery good first impression-something which i never expect. and it takes a lot of confidence and self-love to realize all this - cos some need frens to count their lucky stars. but the moment i opened my wardrobe, or sit at the dining table, open a mag, or even meet an average weighing person, in a snap, everything just collapse. i feel weak.

is everything falling apart or am i only concentrating on stupid stuff here. hmm.. even Ms P forgot to visit me promptly this mth.