round msia trip - part 1

i'm leaving tomorrow
on my round msia trip
boss revised plan.. after i counter proposed
so going to big cities, jumpa the directors je

so it's gonna be
kangar-alor setar-penang-ipoh-kl-kuantan-kl-johor-melaka-kl

wish me luck
and pray for a safe journey

i feel all grown up now..

soccer and sucker!

for the effort that i've put in since last yr, and the $$$ i help to reap for the co, boss have awarded me with something i think i'm going to remember for my entire career/professional life
an all paid-for road trip around peninsular malaysia with 2 'girls'
we're leaving next tuesday and the trip will take 11 days. it's my first outstation assignment. i'm suppose to meet all my clients, hand some brochures, hold some redundant casual conversations, my business card, and make an impression so much so that they'll remember me, and the company.

this is what they refer to as Customer Relationship Management.
so who's the driver? me
who's the navigator? me
who's going to do the talking? me
who's going to prepare the paperwork/letters/pamphlets?me
and whose car??? mine!!!
arrghh..
have i driven off-highway long distance before? barely
have my dear waja? no way
do we know the exact adresses? no
do we have a time constraint? yes
are we specialist in the product? hell no!

ok... i know this will sound soo mengada2. aku pun dah menyampah type. but tak kisahla.. tgh bengang tahap maksimum. boss suka buat mcm ni.. smua last minute and expect wonders. dahla tu, siap suruh jimat2.. hotel pun suruh share satu bilik, sebab tu hantar semua perempuan. journey pun suruh cepat2 takut rugi allowance outstation. kau hantar aku gi 100+ klinik2 kat ceruk2 tu, suruh dirve cepat2, jauh2..untuk senyumsenyumsalamsalam? hish.. kalau pasal customer, semua benda nak tiptop.. kalau pasal staff.. semua kena jimat. sayang company konon! company pun tak sayang kita.

first board companyla konon. blooming business. bright prospect. international tie. nation's pride. report kat klse juta2.
bonus? senyaaappp je... ee..jgn kutuk, periuk nasik aku, jgn kutuk... sayang company.. sayang..maybe over reaction je kot ni.. manja sgt. dah biasa dok dlm ofis aircond, tgk pc. suruh kluar sikit komplen (dlm blog je la)

mcm mana nak handle this. i'm having myriad of emotions. right now i'm excited, terrified, worried and exhausted.

anyway, semalam tgk bola best. abe tak pegi pun. frens yg patut nak jumpa and shout profanities together tak jumpa pun. but it was fine. best sgt actually. letih tetapi lega. hehe.. should do this more often. coupled with news of above assignment.. mmg i can turn into a typical fanatic malaysian football fan (jerit lebih dari coach/team manager, sign languages-jari tgh specifically, auto enrichment of profanities vocabulary-in different languages and dialect,

GE2004 and ida's do

Finally back to my normal life

Last week, while the Malaysians are busy discussing, reading, blogging, debating and joking about GE2004, my family and i was busy preparing for my cousin ida's wedding. Nonetheless, most of ppl involved went back to Kelantan just in time for voting, so dont blame/praise them for the state's election result. In fact, we watched the result announcement very closely throughout the nite together, and together means continuous phonecalls to and fro Kelantan as the master bedroom turns into bilik gerakan kelantan cawangan Subang jaya..
The atmosphere was overwhelming. All of us stayed up for the result (which only came through officially last nite, sadly). Bros were anxiously waiting for the holiday announcement. Dearest was also with us, feeling equally jittery about his homeground, Kedah's fate.

Anyway, that's done. I'm no politician but i'm weirdly looking fwd to the next GE lah. syioklah pulak.

Ok, the wedding. All went well with of course few glitches here and there, noticeable only by us, the organisers. the weather is not helping, so it was a typical wedding.. hot, hot, HOT. i took leave almost the whole week last week to help around ie do the hantarans, the bilik pengantin, siapkan the flower girls dresses and dressing them later, accompanying the bride on the day. was happy that my aunt and the family really appreciate my effort and hence promised the same for mine. As papa put it while carrying the periuk, tables and chairs.. "it's an investment"

so ida, my childhood girlfren is married. she was the one whom i shared all my weird conversation with. my first 'sex talk' at the tender age of 8 (yeah, i do start early) and my passion for 'ais krim payung' (it's home made red bean ice cream in a shape of an umbrella with tiny bits of red bean on top... and it only cost 5cents). this is another thing u get being Kelantanese (in my opinion), u're barely 24 and your peer cousins who used to bath naked with u once are either married or buncit with botol susu in one hand and payung (for anak bini) in the other hand.

that guy's parents was at the wedding. i didnt feel weird or concious around them anymore. they probably have known that i'm with someone else now.

dearest dah start badminton balik. to be back in shape. tak acilah macam ni. have to work something out jugaklah. dia kata kalau kawan2 main futsal campur2, then dia ajak.. but mampukah aku main futsal after sooooooo long meninggalkan all those team games. hahaha.. anyway, mlm ni tgk bola msia-korea.. it's been so bloody long jugak since my last live football match. guess the last was before fly.. tgk msia kena bash by ermm..i cant even remember.

RM50

yay! aku kaya!
got RM50 for some transcripting work i did for my fren over the weekend.
she's got some more coming..
should cover bday present cho.. i know i'm overdue

blablablahetztunangblabla

Boss dua-dua cuti.
Colleague yang patut replace boss, cuti.
Colleagues yang lain, dua orang cuti.
The sales team, semua keluar.
Yang tinggal, the clerk, colleague yang just tau main share je, and me.

Just wat i need to recover from my hectic weekend.

Anyway, congrats to hetz on her engagement yesterday, which went well as i assure
you look very princessy in pink!
may God bless you both..

waaa...tunangan orang dah kawan aku..eheheh

org kurus tak sedar diri! - part 2

futher to yesterday's entry, i found myself faced with the similar subject again during lunch (not a good time for it, issit?) today. but this time with colleagues who equally detest those sort of people. having 'curvy people' with minds of their own, and 'reactive' mouth to match, as colleagues is REALLY just wat i need sometimes. even the size M lot are agreeable on this. "kalau dah ok, syukur jelah..sebok je nak join complain!", funny enough the comment was directed to this skinny elderly never-married lady in the office (she wasnt present in the discussion of course). i can only smile. cos really, i can only afford to make such statement in my blog, or even just thoughts.
plain saint (konon) or just chicken?
wateva, it feels good to have ppl sharing my 'hatred'.
berat sama dipikul..
though i'm beginning to suspect colleagues have read my blog

i miss him la wei..
last saw him during cho's birthday dinner, which was not distant ago. but all we talk about was work, and exam, cos well.. parents are included in conversation you see. aaahh..miss him miss him. his exam will be over soon and he's skipping next semester for some reasons. i'm going to be spoilt. i will make sure i'll be spoilt. when he called early this morning for that brief 'hi, good morning'. i realised how i miss a long, deep, engaging conversation with him, well about nothing specific or important. that's it! talking about the unimportants, make me feel less adult, more in love. that's so much fun, just being lovers and plain oblivious. not a care about not having enough time to talk about things that matters, or things that deserve more of those scarce 'us' time. aku dah mengarut. well, anyway, i should be grateful cos this is a good thing. this craving. the sparks may have turned into small occasional flickers, and the butterflies in the stomach, they dont flutter that often anymore, but this craving is still here. i hope this is the same explanation for my parents endless brief calls and smses during the day when pa is in the office and ma at home. oh bless them!

oh well.. at least good to know me and him are mutual on our verbosity, at least in this case.. dunno about other cases though. ; )

dasar kurus tak sedar diri!

i HATE people who complain they're fat when they're not.
you can complain about anything you want.
it's your rights.
fine with me
but complaining about something that isnt there is something i cant accept.
especially when you toy around with the fact
especially when i'm battling a far worse senario than the one u created.
it's a stupid insensitive trend u know, these for-the-sake-of-it complaining

pardon me for being emotional but
i HATE it.
please, stop it.

even i cant believe i'm capable of such hatred

cho

the fren i was talking about last Monday called just now
he's organising a small gathering in mid valley
going through the list of names.. i feel the urge to go lah pulak
just realised i've not met them for quite some time..
maybe 7 yrs of time.. hehe

but i couldnt make it
cos tonite is my dearest bro, cho birthday..and we're having family dinner
he's 17 today! getting older, and even taller huh, that chipmunk.
as i'm aware that he, his brother, and their frens read this blog,
let me just make this one specially for him then

cho is my fav among the 3 guys
call me 'pilih kasih' but i've to admit it..
maybe sharing bed with him for 2-3 yrs, when we were small leave this impact on me. he's veryvery manja, though currently trying very hard to act like a tough cookie. it's not easy having hooligan yeh and papa's-mirror-image abe as his brothers. no matter how hard he tries, how serious he try to appear to us, how stern he is with zetty, or how tall and hairy he is now, he's still the little cho to me. face that 17..or 27.. u'll still be cho.. and ur opinion, no matter how adult it may sound.. will always be received with a smile, first. hehe, we're bad lot.

cho's very caring and affectionate. he always sits besides zetty, attending to her homework. he sings/plays songs for me. even through the internet when i was in aussie. and i heard he's a good sounding board, especially for the girls in his school. now that we're talking about girls....cho has loads of them around him. at least that's the impression i get from his phonebook, open house invites and frenster! and it's no wonder why, since he's blessed with the mancung-est nose of us all, eye lashes to die for (if u're a girl la..haha), a that cheeky meeky smile. and he's the tallest too.. enough to give him confidence to call me, whose height is considered above average for an asian girl, SIPENDEK!.. urrghh..

he's responsible, veryveryvery funny and witty, which i may conclude as a smart boy. and above all.. he's soooooo CUTE. he's naive, shy, gelabah and careless.. and that's CUTE. and ok, besides all these kiddish things i've been mentioning, yeah, he's a great companion. he listens to my problem, saying things that simply lighten my trouble moments. and we're such a cool musical duo.. hahhaha..

oh.. i'm so blessed to have (and toy) him around.

so my dear picho
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRO!
may u be blessed with a good wife and a good life. (i think that's complimentary..hehe)
all the best with ur SPM.. remember, i screw up my SPM to make urs look better.
have fun
and take care

love,
kak ying

p/s: now, i'm not expected to give any present am i?

blogging has its pros n cons
but between taking too much time off of work and justifying that my grammar is bullshit, i would indomitably defend that it made me aware of more stuff.

first things first, i became more aware of new words, cos i realised, while typing/blogging, my vocab is shamefully limited.
i begin questioning myself abt grammar. the tenses, singular n plural terms and spelling (?) and consult my immediate available referance points for help. though i may not have improved at all, at least i've come to realised that. and that's a start. (it's hard being a over confident narcissitic u know?)

i can also safely say that i am more aware of individual differences and that i've no right judging them based on no matter wat (esp their writings), though it's tempting to brand certain ppl an obvious aristocrat wannabe through their writings abt 'branded food n coffee', gadget this n gadget that.. oh yeah, klcc this n klcc that. afterall i read me and figure i'm sooo bloody full of myself sometimes too. so there u go, ppl are different. and i should respect that. and many ppl can make use of the expensive food & gadget reviews too right?

last, but not least (i wanna go back dah ni), blogging has always reminded me to count my lucky stars.
i whine and whine in my blog like there's no tomorrow. as though my small little problem will cause my life. while i know i have the rights to do so cos it's my life n my blog, i also realised (by reading others') that ppl around me go through worse things. i've been reading last week and maybe it was a really bias sample..but worse things happen .ppl divorcing/breaking up here and there, families falling apart, singletons mourning abt their singlehood. and i'm just here mourning abt not having enough money, not loosing any weight, not quite having it 'perfect' with dearest, occasional workload..
God, if i continue reading these sort of stories and compare with mine.. i think i might start to hate me. hehe

i'm going back now
back to my relatively perfect life.

did i just totally blew it or wat???
i just hate myself for these kind of thingslah

just now, this person from this company i've been dealing with was here for some discussion with boss
there was that guy (his the MD of the co), my sr gm, and a manager from another dept
i was just not in the mood to say hi and socialise with big shot
so i just avoided the bunch, literally hide behind my partition..went out, go to the toilet
then wham! i bumped into them in the aisle.
the MD said hi..
and all i could say is "oh hi!"
and off i went
there were at least 5 footsteps ahead before they resume their conversation
were they tailing my movement with disbelief?
were they thinking wat i think they were thinking?
SNOBISH BITCH
thing is i dont even know y i did that.. not wanting to disturb their discussion maybe..
things would be much better if i just
pause
ask "How are u Mr S? had ur lunch?"
or maybe some redundant stuff like "Heard the new allocation coming through? Guess we're ready for second phase?"
yeah, considering i'll be resuming another phase of project with this guy, i thought too little just now, and just walk pass like some important hot shot, with some other important place to be..
totally blew it!

today i received a pleasant, pleasant surprise in a form of a phone call from a long lost friend
the last time we saw each other was way back in melaka, on our spm result day which was in 1997 (God i'm old!)
i remembered we were making jokes about me doing accounting and him venturing into medicine course while looking at our spm results (it was a joke back then u see, me doing accounting course.. ironic..haha) and i think that was probably the last thing we talked/laughed about

he sounds different, very.. mature. i swear i wont recognise him if he didnt introduced himself as my ex-HUSBAND. it's amazing how we settled into catching up mode so easily after that introduction. he is warm, as he used to be. very comfortably and conveniently warm. as we talked i recall our series of love letters, our 'small little family', the occasional flirting, the song dedications.. hahaha.. then the jealousy, and the end of it all.

it's good to hear from him after 7 yrs. and he hinted that i'll be hearing from him again soon for the 'nasi minyak invitation' . i'm simply happy for him (in fact ecstatic as if i'm hearing it from my bestest of frens)

i guess it doesnt need a real relationship or the best of friendship to etch a memory as significant and as good as this. we were not having anything emotional going on. while we were not enemies, we were not confidants either. heh, we were not even classmates, so that discount a whole lot of hours spent together. but those brief encounters at the locker area, or the walk to the dining hall after prep classes and those msgs and letters conveyed through our juniors. yeah, it must be those letters! those were the things that help build this memory. in fact, the letters helped me, in a way or two, went through the turmoil in that school at that time. they made me feel good and worthy.

so, maybe this is not a real relationship or the best of friendship to etch a memory as significant and as good as this, but who can forget an imaginary husband huh?
and for that i thank u my friend, for giving me this nice warm memory, and not freak out/embarassed to call me some yrs later to remind me abt it. thanks man. i honour u with this entry. may God bless u always.

as expected, i'm already bored with my new layout
something not right somewhere.. things are just too.. ermm.. bland

well, anyway, i sprained my neck
i dunno when it happened exactly. first it started with this uncomfy feeling..before i know it, i cant turn my head to the left, right, up and down.i cant even lift up my hand and opening my mouth is a serious torture. so i was on mc yesterday, and literally bedridden the whole day.so much pain it was, but it's funny at the same time too.. weird how my situation reminded almost everyone whose aware of this malay film back in the 80's where this woman accidentally swallowed a whole corn cob.
(yeah, i was waering that neck support..and with my heavy cheek..it's ghastly i tell u!)

i'm officially broke this month. spend almost all my paycheck already..and tomorrow, insyaAllah, i'm going for another round of shopping with some immediate frens (immediate frens = a term we use for veryvery close frens whom u'll invite to ur tunang/akad nikah, even tho the ceremony is for relatives only)
and there's bday lunch for our very own ms perfect (really, perfect!)
good company, good food, good bargain..
not going to miss this one..

have a nice weekend ppl!

happiness is infectious
my colleague turn up at the office today as bright and happy as can be
greeted me in an exceptionally higher pitch
and yeah, she made me smile..
cant help but feeling the same way.. though it's really about nothing but just her



little perks in life..
and ms p has finally arrived after 46 days.. fuhhh...

day 2 - part 2

this is getting impossible.. i'm beginning to loose sight of the actual cause of this arrangement
focus ying... focus...
remember wat made u come here
remember why u are here
remember wat u have done to avoid coming here in the first place
remember wat happened after all your attempts
remember u a year back
remember how u feel a yr back
read all ur archieve
see all ur pics

remember your 23rd birthday
remember the ring

i cant remember anymore..

day 2

things are not exactly peachy and rosey but i slept well last nite
woke up only about 4-5 times..

feeling empty and numb at the moment
not sure if i was happy or feeling lousy abt coming to work today
everything seems to settle in the background for a while
another week of work
aiming for 2 chapters to finish by end of this week

this morning i wake up exceptionally early
in my prayers, i asked for a sign
a sign to help me think objectively, to steer away unnecessary thought and concentrate on wat matters
to know if this is just of my own creation or it is a true huge problem
and just now, i came across this now i'm juggling if this is a true co-incident or the sign..

Sometimes, it is easy to lose sight of oneself especially when the world does not give you a lot of encouragement to go through life alone. People are always throwing parties to celebrate couple love. From Valentine's Day to weddings to anniversaries, a girl has every reason to find a partner and very little cause to remain single. As such, we hang on to our couplehood for as long as we can take it, until perhaps one finds another (how many girls you know jump from one boat to another without ever getting their feet wet?), or worse, until the abuse becomes physical.

The next time you carry the cross of love, ask yourself one very simple question: is the suffering only an exception, or has it become the norm? It is one thing to go through a rough patch together, and quite another to go through it yourself.

Just make sure you know the difference.