it's the last day of the year 2003
my morning started off not too well..
just had a meeting, a solemn one,
i've never felt this before, but now i feel the sense of belonging in this dept, maybe not the co as a whole. but this dept, and the fact that all eyes are on us to battle the last hurdle towards meeting the buss plan.. eheh..
boss dismissed the meeting with a bitter note, and no one moved.. everybody has this blank stare, some looked even sad. perhaps most were thinking about their bonus, which may not come into existence this yr.
i felt sad too, to a certain level.
cos we did try our best but work, or life, is like that. there are unforseen shit along the way.
emotional pulak satu office ni..
that goes to show that we care a great deal about our job (well, it could solely be the remuneration factor), and i know there's some very dedicated soul around here.
so, end of 2003
no plans for countdown
feel like staying at home watching movie with dearest. hope he has no obejction to that. afterall it would be my last chance to watch the klang valley firework displays from the balcony. and this time, i want someone special to join. last nite,history,almost repeat itself. let tonight be a new beginning. and a good one.
2003 is a marvellous yr, generally, i think my job, my relationship and once again, back to staying under one roof with parents has changed me a great deal. i think i've aged in all aspects this yr. well, at least that's wat i think.
relationship
i fell in love over and over again this yr, i felt sick of it a few times along the way, and i feel happy generally. (hey, i'm being honest!). both met parents, relatives n frens of each other this yr. understand the true meaning of tolerance and give-n-take. realised that this relationship can make me feel 43 and 3 yrs old at the same time.
career
started my job in feb, settled in permanent co in august, got pretty much comfy with bosses and colleagues in only about last mth. got few recognition, very2 few shortcoming. very grateful. it's a cool start i must say. also enrolled into a pro course.
financial
started off as a carless wealthy independant girl. then my 4 wheel sweetheart came, and things turn around. but rpoud to say managed to live within my means. managed to debit something to my savings account each mth, get myself something new each mth, give some to mama each mth, treat family to a meal once a month, spoil bf with a good hearty meal once a month, pay my own car (and all the taik2 maintainence that cost me more than a mth gaji for this whole yr), fuel, hpphone bill, room phone bill, baju raya (well one or two), new office wardrobe, my first make up set, a saloon quality shampoo that cost a bomb, unnecessarily expensive odd-size shoes, shoes for bro.
for a girl from a fortunate background, who's been in job for less than 12 mths, i think i'm relatively independant now.
spiritual
i'm bad. i'm worse this yr. God give me strength. Jauhkan aku dr benda2 yg melekakan. Amin.
health
from a daily jogger to a full time fat producer. need i say more? yes, added 20 kg happily along the way. shrinked my wardrobe to quarter it's original size.
fashion n vanity
returned to boring jeans and tshirt. grew my hair shoulder lenght, wear it up 95% of the time. started with the cleanser-toner-moisturiser regime. begin wearing compact powder n blusher on daily basis. wear mascara n (liquid) eye liner on special day. still wear knee length skirt, only one i can still fit. begins understanding the reasons for sandals and forgot the comfort of snickers. very faithful to baju kurung for the office.
now, i've no resolution for the new yr. i dont think i should make any.
but i sure have one wish.
only one wish.
.......
amin.
Wednesday, December 31, 2003
Tuesday, December 30, 2003
kenyang gila
my dept just had a makan2, good food, and lots of em.
siap bertapau2 and ada lucky draw lagi ha..
i have a minor problem
my officemates think i'm an angel
so whenever i'm with them, they try to minimise making fun of our boss and usage of profanities.
mind u, their vocab is something worth mentioning. and since my dept is very muhibah, we have them in all language ), even dialect(non-english profanities usually sounds like they need more guts to be pronounced). and these ppl i'm talking about are mothers of 2, or 3. eheh.. yeah, seriously.
i see nothing wrong with that. freedom of speech. and they dont behave like that generally, only when there's sufficient chorum and no one else. see.. that may be a problem, since they think i'm a saint, it's seldom that i see them in full action, which is serious fun. come on la kak.. i can talk about inverted nipples, saggy butt, sex and wat not.. at least i'm not that all goody2 that i cant bear listening to anything along those line.
gee.. i thought only boys grow up wishing they can join the big bad bros ..
can i say this here now
i am very indifferent at the moment. i dont feel much for him now. i thought the trip to langkawi would teach me some lesson and send me crippling back to his direction.. patheticnya bunyi.. but yeah, something like thatla. i thought absence will make my heart grow fonder, but i dont think it did la. listen to me now, mcm cakap abt some bubblegum business je..
u know wat i have towards him now? this growing sense of resentment.
ok, reality check. nope not PMS yet. just cant possibily be.
continue..resentment. i'm always angry at him, though sometimes i just gulp down my anger and smile, i am always constantly angry at him. sometimes i mumble things to myself, things i feel like saying to him. i just wanna hurt him so much. and sometimes i did. but that doesnt lessen any bit of this waves of feeling i'm having now. it's sooo darn easy for him to make me cry, or irritated, or mad and worst, turn me into this rude sarcastic bitch. i snap at him, the way i only wish to do to some ppl i hate very much, but never have the guts to actually do it. i dont know wat causes this. or maybe i know. but i dont want to admit to it cos it'll transfer all the blame into his court. no i dont want to be the immature little girl in this relationship, always putting the blame on him.
i often think of the most outrageous thing to do offlate. i know i've been to hard on myself about this kawin2 thing. ever since papa start tanya abt it, as in the drama line 'bila nak masuk?'. maybe it's the embarrased feeling, the feeling that i havent met their expectation cos this guy tak make a move lagi. maybe rasa frustrated, sbb i've to innitiate and ask him about this and that rather than him taking action on his own. rasa helpless sbb on the other hand i know he meant to do it, and working on it, but a guy with an ego of courselah have to prepare everything. nak jaga anak org. if he just selamba je, then it'll be disrespect to my family, take for granted je.
i know this sounds absurd. but i'm always thinking abt the consequence of us separating now. i'm always putting myself in a position of a single girl. which cant be that bad. everytime i attend function without him, i can always use the 'he got class' excuse. i'm getting use to that already. our goodnite calls has shortened significantly. usually cos i'm always too angry to talk, or he is too sleepy/tired to chat.
is this going somewhere
after much adrenaline rush early this yr, it's quite sad we arrived here now. i keep on hoping that this is a plateau and things will be better after some major thing takes place later. but wat major thing? when? wat do i mean by later?
lately been thinking, how much i've diverted from my wish list. not all wish come true. and those expectation which are not met is really irrelevant as i got to know him. but now, i'm turning to the realistic and practical me, with a pros n cons balance sheet in hand and a numb heart. i even told him that i felt 'tawar', hoping that he'll burst into some drama, marah, merajuk, pujuk or something. hmmm... i'm still here.
nak je mcm ckp dah2 la.. tak laratla.. let's take a break.. kalau ada jodoh, adelah, kalau kejar sgt pun tak guna..
my dept just had a makan2, good food, and lots of em.
siap bertapau2 and ada lucky draw lagi ha..
i have a minor problem
my officemates think i'm an angel
so whenever i'm with them, they try to minimise making fun of our boss and usage of profanities.
mind u, their vocab is something worth mentioning. and since my dept is very muhibah, we have them in all language ), even dialect(non-english profanities usually sounds like they need more guts to be pronounced). and these ppl i'm talking about are mothers of 2, or 3. eheh.. yeah, seriously.
i see nothing wrong with that. freedom of speech. and they dont behave like that generally, only when there's sufficient chorum and no one else. see.. that may be a problem, since they think i'm a saint, it's seldom that i see them in full action, which is serious fun. come on la kak.. i can talk about inverted nipples, saggy butt, sex and wat not.. at least i'm not that all goody2 that i cant bear listening to anything along those line.
gee.. i thought only boys grow up wishing they can join the big bad bros ..
can i say this here now
i am very indifferent at the moment. i dont feel much for him now. i thought the trip to langkawi would teach me some lesson and send me crippling back to his direction.. patheticnya bunyi.. but yeah, something like thatla. i thought absence will make my heart grow fonder, but i dont think it did la. listen to me now, mcm cakap abt some bubblegum business je..
u know wat i have towards him now? this growing sense of resentment.
ok, reality check. nope not PMS yet. just cant possibily be.
continue..resentment. i'm always angry at him, though sometimes i just gulp down my anger and smile, i am always constantly angry at him. sometimes i mumble things to myself, things i feel like saying to him. i just wanna hurt him so much. and sometimes i did. but that doesnt lessen any bit of this waves of feeling i'm having now. it's sooo darn easy for him to make me cry, or irritated, or mad and worst, turn me into this rude sarcastic bitch. i snap at him, the way i only wish to do to some ppl i hate very much, but never have the guts to actually do it. i dont know wat causes this. or maybe i know. but i dont want to admit to it cos it'll transfer all the blame into his court. no i dont want to be the immature little girl in this relationship, always putting the blame on him.
i often think of the most outrageous thing to do offlate. i know i've been to hard on myself about this kawin2 thing. ever since papa start tanya abt it, as in the drama line 'bila nak masuk?'. maybe it's the embarrased feeling, the feeling that i havent met their expectation cos this guy tak make a move lagi. maybe rasa frustrated, sbb i've to innitiate and ask him about this and that rather than him taking action on his own. rasa helpless sbb on the other hand i know he meant to do it, and working on it, but a guy with an ego of courselah have to prepare everything. nak jaga anak org. if he just selamba je, then it'll be disrespect to my family, take for granted je.
i know this sounds absurd. but i'm always thinking abt the consequence of us separating now. i'm always putting myself in a position of a single girl. which cant be that bad. everytime i attend function without him, i can always use the 'he got class' excuse. i'm getting use to that already. our goodnite calls has shortened significantly. usually cos i'm always too angry to talk, or he is too sleepy/tired to chat.
is this going somewhere
after much adrenaline rush early this yr, it's quite sad we arrived here now. i keep on hoping that this is a plateau and things will be better after some major thing takes place later. but wat major thing? when? wat do i mean by later?
lately been thinking, how much i've diverted from my wish list. not all wish come true. and those expectation which are not met is really irrelevant as i got to know him. but now, i'm turning to the realistic and practical me, with a pros n cons balance sheet in hand and a numb heart. i even told him that i felt 'tawar', hoping that he'll burst into some drama, marah, merajuk, pujuk or something. hmmm... i'm still here.
nak je mcm ckp dah2 la.. tak laratla.. let's take a break.. kalau ada jodoh, adelah, kalau kejar sgt pun tak guna..
Monday, December 29, 2003
arrghh
dah type panjang2 alih2 dunno wat happen, rasanya mcm dah save, pun tak kluar..
watevala. i was blabbing about my not so relaxing holiday in langkawi. let me just summarised everyhting - the island is overrated, indah kabar dari rupa. i'll continue when i feel like it later. but then did some shopping jugakla. papa belanja a new pair of adidas shoes, bukan on sale pun, bukan murah sgt ke apa, but i saw it and like it, and i went "pa, the last pair of shoes i bought were cho's shoes" and that does the trick. but it's true, i actually forgot how wearing sneakers feels like, and look like a complete idiot in front of the sales person..i also got myself a new colorful handbag. hehe. a bagful of hersheys and a blaring red hp cover which i think is soooo cool. bros commented that i'm tua tak sedar diri, with the adidas sneakers and a bright red hp. eleh, this was my trademark la.. at least a yr ago, with bright this bright that, colourful this, matching that. oh God, i feel old now.
speaking of which, colleagues ask to see my photos in aussie. i'm contemplating. i was 10-15 kg lighter then. i had this chic short haircut. i was in my midi skirt or 3 quarters most of the times. my shirts/tshirts are always pink, red, yellow or something brighter. i wore bright colored hats or bandenna. i use bright bags to uni. i made faces in pictures. i was a different person. i may not be as happy now, but those looking at the pics may not agree with it.
so many random thoughts at the moment
one of which
it struck me the other day, during shower, which was my most profound time of the day,
wat really happened last yr (prior to the existence of this blog)? how can he misunderstood my email and jump to that conclusion? i didnt say 'NO'. though the email didnt spell "WAIT" outright, i guess any person of his background would have caught my drift. i didnt say "NO". wat made him think that and act frustrated and bother telling me that it's surely hard to convey the msg to his mom but he will. and last but not least. why did he wish me 'hope u'll be happy with him' when i didnt say anything about being with someone else. i know this is really story of the past, afterall i am happy n content with dearest now, but i cant help thinking. could it be an ugly trick of his to turn things around and made it look like i was the one who spoilt the deal. did he just put words in my mouth and let me sing the song he wanna hear? (hehe, since when pulak i start writing like this)
so all this while.. dia tak nak pun, but dunno wat to say, how to say, to me n the mom, so created this pushy email and wait for the std answer..which i did provide. was he even affected by it?
God, it makes me shudder. i feel so low thinking abt it.
to even go near to the idea that this anak dato', US grad, wealthy, ok looking, metrosexual is wooing me.
i felt stupid
and ugly
hehe.. random thoughts u see..
dah type panjang2 alih2 dunno wat happen, rasanya mcm dah save, pun tak kluar..
watevala. i was blabbing about my not so relaxing holiday in langkawi. let me just summarised everyhting - the island is overrated, indah kabar dari rupa. i'll continue when i feel like it later. but then did some shopping jugakla. papa belanja a new pair of adidas shoes, bukan on sale pun, bukan murah sgt ke apa, but i saw it and like it, and i went "pa, the last pair of shoes i bought were cho's shoes" and that does the trick. but it's true, i actually forgot how wearing sneakers feels like, and look like a complete idiot in front of the sales person..i also got myself a new colorful handbag. hehe. a bagful of hersheys and a blaring red hp cover which i think is soooo cool. bros commented that i'm tua tak sedar diri, with the adidas sneakers and a bright red hp. eleh, this was my trademark la.. at least a yr ago, with bright this bright that, colourful this, matching that. oh God, i feel old now.
speaking of which, colleagues ask to see my photos in aussie. i'm contemplating. i was 10-15 kg lighter then. i had this chic short haircut. i was in my midi skirt or 3 quarters most of the times. my shirts/tshirts are always pink, red, yellow or something brighter. i wore bright colored hats or bandenna. i use bright bags to uni. i made faces in pictures. i was a different person. i may not be as happy now, but those looking at the pics may not agree with it.
so many random thoughts at the moment
one of which
it struck me the other day, during shower, which was my most profound time of the day,
wat really happened last yr (prior to the existence of this blog)? how can he misunderstood my email and jump to that conclusion? i didnt say 'NO'. though the email didnt spell "WAIT" outright, i guess any person of his background would have caught my drift. i didnt say "NO". wat made him think that and act frustrated and bother telling me that it's surely hard to convey the msg to his mom but he will. and last but not least. why did he wish me 'hope u'll be happy with him' when i didnt say anything about being with someone else. i know this is really story of the past, afterall i am happy n content with dearest now, but i cant help thinking. could it be an ugly trick of his to turn things around and made it look like i was the one who spoilt the deal. did he just put words in my mouth and let me sing the song he wanna hear? (hehe, since when pulak i start writing like this)
so all this while.. dia tak nak pun, but dunno wat to say, how to say, to me n the mom, so created this pushy email and wait for the std answer..which i did provide. was he even affected by it?
God, it makes me shudder. i feel so low thinking abt it.
to even go near to the idea that this anak dato', US grad, wealthy, ok looking, metrosexual is wooing me.
i felt stupid
and ugly
hehe.. random thoughts u see..
Monday, December 22, 2003
siot betul leave application tak go through lagi
dah apply last week but boss mcm tak nak kasi je..
i'm not that fond of langkawi but it's a break.. and a family holiday..
jgnla buat t**k wahai boss..
watched LOTR3!!!!..
kes nak tgk movie tu sampai gaduh2 ngan bf.. ahahaha
actuallynya tak kisah sgt if tak tgk this week, but since i'll be away from wed to sun (if cuti got through) and dia takde weekend, and dia ni jenis kena tgk movie seawal kluarnya movie tu.. and it's lotr the only trilogy or crita bersambung2 that i follow, besides harry potter..
bukan senang nak adjust time dgn org yg 8-8 on weekdays and full time student on weekend..
asyik2 book pastu burn je.. tak sempat make it.. simple act as 'let's go for a movie pun' kena ada schedule involve
but yesterday i'm beginning to appreciate that these ppl yg cannot make it for their reservationsla the one yg give ppl little pleasure in life. yesterday we went to summit to get our ticks for monday show and a teeny weeny hope dpt ticket for sunday show terus. according to cho, sunway punya tickets sold out till tuesday, so gi jelah beli awal. tu pun sebab class dia cancel, so mcm automatic kena cancel all open hse commitment and head to this underpopulated cineplex. with the sign "LOTR 3 - only front seat available for ALL show today" we queue jugak. alih2 dpt ticket for the 1pm show.. and we got it at 12.55, siap boleh pilih seat.. ehehe, thx to the unfortunate or yg gatal book but takleh make it.
the show was superb! but takdelah sampai worth gaduh2 bodo tu.. klakarla jugak, bila dpt ticket tu rasa mcm malu je ngan bf sbb buat susah sgt pasal nak tgk movie..
hmm...
sapa2 yg tak gi.. gi lah tgk..
tapi satu jelah...
ehehheheeheheheheh (evil grin)
apesal dia happily ever after sgt.. masa part tulah paling rasa mcm it's all fiction..eheheh
dah apply last week but boss mcm tak nak kasi je..
i'm not that fond of langkawi but it's a break.. and a family holiday..
jgnla buat t**k wahai boss..
watched LOTR3!!!!..
kes nak tgk movie tu sampai gaduh2 ngan bf.. ahahaha
actuallynya tak kisah sgt if tak tgk this week, but since i'll be away from wed to sun (if cuti got through) and dia takde weekend, and dia ni jenis kena tgk movie seawal kluarnya movie tu.. and it's lotr the only trilogy or crita bersambung2 that i follow, besides harry potter..
bukan senang nak adjust time dgn org yg 8-8 on weekdays and full time student on weekend..
asyik2 book pastu burn je.. tak sempat make it.. simple act as 'let's go for a movie pun' kena ada schedule involve
but yesterday i'm beginning to appreciate that these ppl yg cannot make it for their reservationsla the one yg give ppl little pleasure in life. yesterday we went to summit to get our ticks for monday show and a teeny weeny hope dpt ticket for sunday show terus. according to cho, sunway punya tickets sold out till tuesday, so gi jelah beli awal. tu pun sebab class dia cancel, so mcm automatic kena cancel all open hse commitment and head to this underpopulated cineplex. with the sign "LOTR 3 - only front seat available for ALL show today" we queue jugak. alih2 dpt ticket for the 1pm show.. and we got it at 12.55, siap boleh pilih seat.. ehehe, thx to the unfortunate or yg gatal book but takleh make it.
the show was superb! but takdelah sampai worth gaduh2 bodo tu.. klakarla jugak, bila dpt ticket tu rasa mcm malu je ngan bf sbb buat susah sgt pasal nak tgk movie..
hmm...
sapa2 yg tak gi.. gi lah tgk..
tapi satu jelah...
ehehheheeheheheheh (evil grin)
apesal dia happily ever after sgt.. masa part tulah paling rasa mcm it's all fiction..eheheh
Friday, December 19, 2003
i had a very smoothsailing day at the office yesterday, sempat buat a bit of spring cleaning resulting in another 3 ambitous new files for a more systematic ying.
then at 5.30, i made that call, and whammm.. just like that, that guy spoilt everything.
wont elaborate, cos it's business matter, but he was shouting at me, and at this particular point of time even criticise my work attitude, which was irrelevant to the matter, and him being the supplier-and i'm the customer..urrghh..how dare???
esp when boss pun ok je with wat i've been doing. hey, aku tak makan gaji from ngkaula!
i know he's been having this double std towards me cos he knew i'm new here. maybe it bites him to know that his million dollar project is being handle by a novice like me.. lantak ah..
i went back sore..
i know i could be emotional in handling my work sometimes, but i tried my best, really did..
i was a little bit edgy. mad and sad and most of all frustrated.
bf was sick yesterday. couldnt talk. so there goes my comfort spot. takleh mengadu.
i slept at 8 last nite. woke up at 11, thinking that it was a huge over reaction. joined yeh for the final bits of lotr1 on HBO with zetty on my lap, trying to peek at Urukhai. family can be the best cure of ur worst of days. then went to sleep again.
pagi ni liat to go to the office. it's haunting me again, that thing yesterday.
sampai je was greeted by this msg in my mail. a msg written in cap letter. sorry msg from that guy. and proposal how to go about it. cc to boss. sure boss call tanya wat happened.
sejuk tu sejukla jugak but bengang still ada.
dahla next yr i'll be working on a similar project with double magnitude with the same guy...
eee....tak sukanyaaaa...
(oi dah besar, buat cara dah besar.. manja!!)
then at 5.30, i made that call, and whammm.. just like that, that guy spoilt everything.
wont elaborate, cos it's business matter, but he was shouting at me, and at this particular point of time even criticise my work attitude, which was irrelevant to the matter, and him being the supplier-and i'm the customer..urrghh..how dare???
esp when boss pun ok je with wat i've been doing. hey, aku tak makan gaji from ngkaula!
i know he's been having this double std towards me cos he knew i'm new here. maybe it bites him to know that his million dollar project is being handle by a novice like me.. lantak ah..
i went back sore..
i know i could be emotional in handling my work sometimes, but i tried my best, really did..
i was a little bit edgy. mad and sad and most of all frustrated.
bf was sick yesterday. couldnt talk. so there goes my comfort spot. takleh mengadu.
i slept at 8 last nite. woke up at 11, thinking that it was a huge over reaction. joined yeh for the final bits of lotr1 on HBO with zetty on my lap, trying to peek at Urukhai. family can be the best cure of ur worst of days. then went to sleep again.
pagi ni liat to go to the office. it's haunting me again, that thing yesterday.
sampai je was greeted by this msg in my mail. a msg written in cap letter. sorry msg from that guy. and proposal how to go about it. cc to boss. sure boss call tanya wat happened.
sejuk tu sejukla jugak but bengang still ada.
dahla next yr i'll be working on a similar project with double magnitude with the same guy...
eee....tak sukanyaaaa...
(oi dah besar, buat cara dah besar.. manja!!)
Wednesday, December 17, 2003
policy not to blog during office hrs - takpe, now tea break
this just came in! and each blogger tend to angkat bakul once in a while
i know this guy (a superior) is very fond of me. hehe. he drops by once in a while to say hello, and since we are working on the same project it's quite understandable la. ade jelah benda nak tegur. he even mailed and complemented on my presentation the other day, saying that it got recognition from the big guys up there.
oklah, he made my day, time to time
just now he came over and said that i have a great aura/intuition. something about the best way to know a person is to align to his/her intuition, that was his words (???), and mine presents a warm n nice person. with a thumbs up he left me wondering, and jumping to this entry. ehehe.. wat was that?
terperasanla pulak ni..
this just came in! and each blogger tend to angkat bakul once in a while
i know this guy (a superior) is very fond of me. hehe. he drops by once in a while to say hello, and since we are working on the same project it's quite understandable la. ade jelah benda nak tegur. he even mailed and complemented on my presentation the other day, saying that it got recognition from the big guys up there.
oklah, he made my day, time to time
just now he came over and said that i have a great aura/intuition. something about the best way to know a person is to align to his/her intuition, that was his words (???), and mine presents a warm n nice person. with a thumbs up he left me wondering, and jumping to this entry. ehehe.. wat was that?
terperasanla pulak ni..
i think i'm setting myself on the right track
(i need this kind of reassuring once in a while)
i have an online diet planner now
it documents my food intake daily and compare the portion with wat i should be having
it even shows when i am expected to reach my target
it's kinda simple, frenly, with a booster like 'you're doing great!' whenever your portion is less or just as right as the prescribed daily intake, it surely helps a little.
tak rasa mcm kena push around by ppl..
i dont know how they do their calculationla, but they have also included other factors besides food intake such as exercise, supplement intake, and mood swing.
i guess it's really just a guidance for us dieters (did i just call myself a dieter??) to track where we went wrong and how to mend it, rather than instilling in our thick skull that we're on the right track cos we have just skipped lunch.
God i feel good.
Been swimming for 2 days. yeah, nothing to shout about really, but the first step is always the killer one. i found myself racing to go home to do these things, at no expense of road safety la. having full support from my bros also help. they actually went swimming with me, and yeh even check on my laps. see, he's regaining his six packs, zetty wants her curves (yes, she's 9 and talking abt feminine curves), cho wants a better complexion-by swimming. (cho, dont complain i never mention u in my blog ok?)
now i've just got this 30-day fitness program which i'm anxious to swear by. eheh.. konon
i havent skipped lunch nor dinner
i even take the in-between teas at the office now
it improves my social life with colleagues as well..
(tea time can be really educational one -yesterday i learnt about breast feeding, the inwards n outwards nipples and the pros n cons, joy of being surrounded by newlyweds and expecting mothers)
i'm learning the portion control thing and consistent fuelling rather than starving and gobbling up at the end of the day and going to bed hardly 2 hrs after that
and i'm not going anywhere near the weighing machine
though my objective is really to loose them..
i think i'd be happier being a healthy n fit plump girl..
credits : www.lhj.com , msh health and other health websites , jazmi , hetz , papamamazettyandchipmunks , inabasta and the Lord for the wonderful creation of (human brain to come up with) internet
clapclapclap!
p/s : to think that i almost spent thousands to be di bawah jari telunjuk those little missies in white n pink uniform-towards a slimmer body-and the aid of atkins diet that will swallow half of my ovum population...
(i need this kind of reassuring once in a while)
i have an online diet planner now
it documents my food intake daily and compare the portion with wat i should be having
it even shows when i am expected to reach my target
it's kinda simple, frenly, with a booster like 'you're doing great!' whenever your portion is less or just as right as the prescribed daily intake, it surely helps a little.
tak rasa mcm kena push around by ppl..
i dont know how they do their calculationla, but they have also included other factors besides food intake such as exercise, supplement intake, and mood swing.
i guess it's really just a guidance for us dieters (did i just call myself a dieter??) to track where we went wrong and how to mend it, rather than instilling in our thick skull that we're on the right track cos we have just skipped lunch.
God i feel good.
Been swimming for 2 days. yeah, nothing to shout about really, but the first step is always the killer one. i found myself racing to go home to do these things, at no expense of road safety la. having full support from my bros also help. they actually went swimming with me, and yeh even check on my laps. see, he's regaining his six packs, zetty wants her curves (yes, she's 9 and talking abt feminine curves), cho wants a better complexion-by swimming. (cho, dont complain i never mention u in my blog ok?)
now i've just got this 30-day fitness program which i'm anxious to swear by. eheh.. konon
i havent skipped lunch nor dinner
i even take the in-between teas at the office now
it improves my social life with colleagues as well..
(tea time can be really educational one -yesterday i learnt about breast feeding, the inwards n outwards nipples and the pros n cons, joy of being surrounded by newlyweds and expecting mothers)
i'm learning the portion control thing and consistent fuelling rather than starving and gobbling up at the end of the day and going to bed hardly 2 hrs after that
and i'm not going anywhere near the weighing machine
though my objective is really to loose them..
i think i'd be happier being a healthy n fit plump girl..
credits : www.lhj.com , msh health and other health websites , jazmi , hetz , papamamazettyandchipmunks , inabasta and the Lord for the wonderful creation of (human brain to come up with) internet
clapclapclap!
p/s : to think that i almost spent thousands to be di bawah jari telunjuk those little missies in white n pink uniform-towards a slimmer body-and the aid of atkins diet that will swallow half of my ovum population...
Tuesday, December 16, 2003
i'm tired, and sleepy.
but i wont sleep. i cant actually.
bf is studying. belum apa2 dah exam. and belum apa2 nanti, another exam..
and the cycle begins. and i'm not included.
so here i am sitting in the corner, online from home, surfing my frenster page after so long, ever since company has rated it an adult site, hence charting me in the list of internet abuser..hoping that some frens out there will be repeating more good stuff abt me in his/her testimonial - tough luck, enuff is enuff.. admit it, you're to old for frenster ying. (either that or i simply dont have many frens who give shit about testimonials) but admit it ppl, even a line or two, sarcastic testimonial give a tint of glow in your face.. kan? cos we all know how long it takes for a page to load in frenster.
oh well.. that's done
wat's next? i chat with a blogger whose blog i've been very fond of.
dunno why lah, tetiba je rasa mcm nak add him in.. and chat away.
dear blogger whose blog i've been very fond of, thx for the company. it's confirmed, no matter how u followed one's life documentation, u're still strangers at the first 'hello'.. and for me, the many2 sentence after..
sorry kacau2 eh?
things i do when i'm bored.
to think that this exact situation land me at the doorstep of a soulmate, or at least on his computer screen.
body aching
yesterday managed 4 laps je
today 8
tomorrow.. maybe not..
feels like i've just learnt how to swim.. wat happened to my record of 3000m? gila, that's 60 x 50m.. ni 8 pun dah mengah.
i am so not fit. but i'm happy cos i'm doing something about it.
let's not start on my pool of feelings again.
goodnite.
but i wont sleep. i cant actually.
bf is studying. belum apa2 dah exam. and belum apa2 nanti, another exam..
and the cycle begins. and i'm not included.
so here i am sitting in the corner, online from home, surfing my frenster page after so long, ever since company has rated it an adult site, hence charting me in the list of internet abuser..hoping that some frens out there will be repeating more good stuff abt me in his/her testimonial - tough luck, enuff is enuff.. admit it, you're to old for frenster ying. (either that or i simply dont have many frens who give shit about testimonials) but admit it ppl, even a line or two, sarcastic testimonial give a tint of glow in your face.. kan? cos we all know how long it takes for a page to load in frenster.
oh well.. that's done
wat's next? i chat with a blogger whose blog i've been very fond of.
dunno why lah, tetiba je rasa mcm nak add him in.. and chat away.
dear blogger whose blog i've been very fond of, thx for the company. it's confirmed, no matter how u followed one's life documentation, u're still strangers at the first 'hello'.. and for me, the many2 sentence after..
sorry kacau2 eh?
things i do when i'm bored.
to think that this exact situation land me at the doorstep of a soulmate, or at least on his computer screen.
body aching
yesterday managed 4 laps je
today 8
tomorrow.. maybe not..
feels like i've just learnt how to swim.. wat happened to my record of 3000m? gila, that's 60 x 50m.. ni 8 pun dah mengah.
i am so not fit. but i'm happy cos i'm doing something about it.
let's not start on my pool of feelings again.
goodnite.
Monday, December 15, 2003
Ok, the co has set a new policy and snatched my internet freedom n privileges from me (ok, it’s company wide, but I think I fall into the ‘most affected’ category). Fine, so be it. Almost 1 year down, 4 to go anyway. Hopefully I’ll have enough money by the end of it to open up a daycare centre and live happily ever after. Like come on, I’m sure that can pay me as much (Projection from reliable historical data has proven that the increment is simply redundant over here, so 5 yrs or not.. wat’s the diff). I’m so demotivated.
And full of emotions at the moment. I’m mad at my co. no sense of belonging watsover. It’s sad to be feeling like this after the completion of my very own project which successfully made them 2 mil richer. Ok, small figure. But from an inexperience fresh grad who only started work in Feb.. and it’s a one woman show ok?? Haa.. nak ‘meriak ‘ la pulak ni..
I was mad at bf. Was in a fiery fight (that I think worth mentioning here, just as a reminder, something to smile and laugh about) It was one full of energy and I was getting physical (I definitely want to remember this fight..eheh).. don’t worry, no one’s hurt. Maybe my hands and my poor waja’s steering. (Boleh imagine??)
I’m veryvery happy with my family at the moment (heh!) Very content and so the very bahagia. I have this intense positive feelings towards them all, yes, all the 3 chipmunks included. I feel so blessed. Yes, an another mention would imply incest already. Zero, it’s contagious!
I feel very ugly. Though ‘look’ does not normally constitute ‘feel’ in my case, this time there’s no denying the association. I feel ugly and I look it. I’m fat. I’m not being mean to myself cos that’s how ppl behave in their private journals but that’s how I feel, whenever I walk pass a mirror. Or checking the result of the digicam shoot. While showering. It’s like crazy. I’m going to hate myself soon if this persists. And the fact that bf doesn’t seem to mind at all, in fact loving the 3rd chin I’m growing here, is killing me. I gained 15, no, 20 kg right under his nose in less than 12 mths and all he can say is “cute!”. Something’s not right somewhere don’t u think? Tell me I’m paranoid.
I feel so much for him these days. Rasa mcm the feeling surround me from head to toe. Rasa best. Rasa butterfly in the stomach for no reason. It’s one of those moment I want to go all jiwang in my blog but since papa n the monkeys (chipmunks do evolve into monkeys from time to time) read my blog.. so takpelah. Having them narrate my writing to me as i entered hom after a day at work is really nothing I enjoy. I salute their effort in memorising every bit of those ‘interesting’ entries though.
So that’s how I feel these few days. Interesting yet tiring jugakla.
And full of emotions at the moment. I’m mad at my co. no sense of belonging watsover. It’s sad to be feeling like this after the completion of my very own project which successfully made them 2 mil richer. Ok, small figure. But from an inexperience fresh grad who only started work in Feb.. and it’s a one woman show ok?? Haa.. nak ‘meriak ‘ la pulak ni..
I was mad at bf. Was in a fiery fight (that I think worth mentioning here, just as a reminder, something to smile and laugh about) It was one full of energy and I was getting physical (I definitely want to remember this fight..eheh).. don’t worry, no one’s hurt. Maybe my hands and my poor waja’s steering. (Boleh imagine??)
I’m veryvery happy with my family at the moment (heh!) Very content and so the very bahagia. I have this intense positive feelings towards them all, yes, all the 3 chipmunks included. I feel so blessed. Yes, an another mention would imply incest already. Zero, it’s contagious!
I feel very ugly. Though ‘look’ does not normally constitute ‘feel’ in my case, this time there’s no denying the association. I feel ugly and I look it. I’m fat. I’m not being mean to myself cos that’s how ppl behave in their private journals but that’s how I feel, whenever I walk pass a mirror. Or checking the result of the digicam shoot. While showering. It’s like crazy. I’m going to hate myself soon if this persists. And the fact that bf doesn’t seem to mind at all, in fact loving the 3rd chin I’m growing here, is killing me. I gained 15, no, 20 kg right under his nose in less than 12 mths and all he can say is “cute!”. Something’s not right somewhere don’t u think? Tell me I’m paranoid.
I feel so much for him these days. Rasa mcm the feeling surround me from head to toe. Rasa best. Rasa butterfly in the stomach for no reason. It’s one of those moment I want to go all jiwang in my blog but since papa n the monkeys (chipmunks do evolve into monkeys from time to time) read my blog.. so takpelah. Having them narrate my writing to me as i entered hom after a day at work is really nothing I enjoy. I salute their effort in memorising every bit of those ‘interesting’ entries though.
So that’s how I feel these few days. Interesting yet tiring jugakla.
Friday, December 05, 2003
i heard from many ppl and self improvement talks that if u wish, aim, or working on something, announce it.
even if no one cares, the act of telling urself about it, literally, is the best start to it.
I AM GOING TO LOOSE WEIGHT.
I AM GOING TO MAKE IT A POINT TO SWIM, JOG AND DANCE AT LEAST ONCE EACH EVERY WEEK.
I AM GOING TO DRINK LOTS AND LOTS OF PLAIN WATER.
I AM NOT GOING TO TAKE DINNER WHICH CONTAINS HIGH CARBO.
I AM GOING TO LOOSE WEIGHT.
and i'm clicking 'publish'
even if no one cares, the act of telling urself about it, literally, is the best start to it.
I AM GOING TO LOOSE WEIGHT.
I AM GOING TO MAKE IT A POINT TO SWIM, JOG AND DANCE AT LEAST ONCE EACH EVERY WEEK.
I AM GOING TO DRINK LOTS AND LOTS OF PLAIN WATER.
I AM NOT GOING TO TAKE DINNER WHICH CONTAINS HIGH CARBO.
I AM GOING TO LOOSE WEIGHT.
and i'm clicking 'publish'
i've got lots in mind at the moment, and nil motivation to do my work. i'm so looking fwd to new yr, somehow, it gives new hope. not really exhausted physically, nor emotionally. just plain malas..
the new hse will complete in june lah pulak, mama told us yesterday. but the neighbourhood sure tunggang langgang lagi by then. nothing new. kalau move in pun probably end of the yr. tired and sick of this layout but malas nak tukar.. takde yg best. rasa mcm can design better one..mwaahaha.. if i've the time.. as if..
cho got his electric guitar, finally. next, papa thinking of getting abe a new car, cos his current car nak kasi yeh. hmm.. everyone is getting their toys. i want mine. i want a husband.
the new hse will complete in june lah pulak, mama told us yesterday. but the neighbourhood sure tunggang langgang lagi by then. nothing new. kalau move in pun probably end of the yr. tired and sick of this layout but malas nak tukar.. takde yg best. rasa mcm can design better one..mwaahaha.. if i've the time.. as if..
cho got his electric guitar, finally. next, papa thinking of getting abe a new car, cos his current car nak kasi yeh. hmm.. everyone is getting their toys. i want mine. i want a husband.
Monday, December 01, 2003
Condolences to the family n frens of the 14 who we lost in the bus-bus crash in Kuala Lipis
i'm stil furious over wat happen. listening to the survivors who desrcibed their ride as a 'laju sangat-sangat' is simply sad. from experience, which was not so distant, some, or most of these express busses really rule the road. we always need to stop at the shoulder of sharp bend to give way to the fierce monster. geramnya.. idiots!
but then again, wat can we expect from a person who shoulder a responsibility to carry 44 strangers to and fro their loved ones when a father of 4, with the youngest baby sitting in the wife's lap besides him pun (in a kancil) can speed beyond legal speed limit, overtaking from the left.
IDIOTS!!
first day at work after a week of break doesnt make the break worthwhile afterall.
while i can still find time chatting about a heartbreak a fren suffer, the joy of a completed masters degree, and how to find a blue baju kurung for an important wedding in 3 days.. work is abundance
and everything seems to be urgent
this one before lunch, that one before noon, this one before morning tea break.. heh!
wateva la..
after december, things would be moving on a slower pace.. or so i hope.
i rang a fren due to boredom after the last entry, and yeah, in light of raya..
a long lost fren who tirelessly tried to contact me and always ended up chatting with my mom
the first ever fren i met on the net, and in person after mths of endless chats.
he sounds as usual. as funny, as talkative n as warm.
it feels like i never 'long-lost' him..
but he still has my picture in his wallet. now that scares me. i dont remember giving any. perhaps it's one of thos pics we took during our chatter gathering. yes, i was that serious as a chatter. and i never regret.
a fren whom i've not been communicating with for almost 2 yrs still remember every bit of details about me. bday, and other days, and a pic in the wallet??
told dearest about it already, of course he wasnt pleased.
sometimes kan, benda2 yg we always take for granted, like taking thousands of pictures at a party, can always cause discomfort later.. hmm..
and to look at it on the bright side, there are ppl who think of u, even when u dont think it matters.
hmm..
balik..balik..
i'm stil furious over wat happen. listening to the survivors who desrcibed their ride as a 'laju sangat-sangat' is simply sad. from experience, which was not so distant, some, or most of these express busses really rule the road. we always need to stop at the shoulder of sharp bend to give way to the fierce monster. geramnya.. idiots!
but then again, wat can we expect from a person who shoulder a responsibility to carry 44 strangers to and fro their loved ones when a father of 4, with the youngest baby sitting in the wife's lap besides him pun (in a kancil) can speed beyond legal speed limit, overtaking from the left.
IDIOTS!!
first day at work after a week of break doesnt make the break worthwhile afterall.
while i can still find time chatting about a heartbreak a fren suffer, the joy of a completed masters degree, and how to find a blue baju kurung for an important wedding in 3 days.. work is abundance
and everything seems to be urgent
this one before lunch, that one before noon, this one before morning tea break.. heh!
wateva la..
after december, things would be moving on a slower pace.. or so i hope.
i rang a fren due to boredom after the last entry, and yeah, in light of raya..
a long lost fren who tirelessly tried to contact me and always ended up chatting with my mom
the first ever fren i met on the net, and in person after mths of endless chats.
he sounds as usual. as funny, as talkative n as warm.
it feels like i never 'long-lost' him..
but he still has my picture in his wallet. now that scares me. i dont remember giving any. perhaps it's one of thos pics we took during our chatter gathering. yes, i was that serious as a chatter. and i never regret.
a fren whom i've not been communicating with for almost 2 yrs still remember every bit of details about me. bday, and other days, and a pic in the wallet??
told dearest about it already, of course he wasnt pleased.
sometimes kan, benda2 yg we always take for granted, like taking thousands of pictures at a party, can always cause discomfort later.. hmm..
and to look at it on the bright side, there are ppl who think of u, even when u dont think it matters.
hmm..
balik..balik..
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