work banyak gila babi, haa.. amik kau..
as usual i'm here
not too long i guess

need to set up/come up with the business plan by end of next week and since i'll be away till wednesday next week, i foresee a hell-ish thrusday and friday. God bless me! Just wat i need after a long holidays.. a stiff deadline. matilah aku.
dahla the boss sibuk emphasize he wants changes in this one. radical changes that reflect a brainchild of a distinct scholar. amende aku merapek ni.. but exactly, that's wat he says. u went to study oversea, u receive scholarship, u are selected, blablabla.. i think if he cuts down on those stuff, then perhaps i can get right down to my job faster, and deliver timely. as it is now, to deliver an updated template of last yr's one is good enough. matilah aku.. matilah aku..

arghh.. apa2pun..
REDANG.....here i come!!!!!
4 days 3 nites tuu.... i'll be baking some fat ppl!!

aku dah gila

it's time to go

happy merdeka malaysia!!
sorry i havent put the flag on my car.. i guess it's too late already... next yr, next yr

happy holidays to all, and thx for the comments, as u can see my mood rollercoaster is getting steeper and steeper. sorry..

it's 28th august, and so it's mama's bday
HAPPY 48th MA!

i'm feeling a bit weird today. i've no mood to do anything. i'm constantly hungry. i feel hurt. and i dont wanna talk about it. i got an asthma attack just trying to last nite. yes, the sudden panting and wheezing and heavy coughing.drama eh? enough said.

actually, i'm beginning to not see the purpose of this blog anymore. i read most of the archieves and more often than not, it only documented my sadness. wait, that could be a purpose. a shoulder to cry on.

oh no, it's sipping in again, i feel mean. i'm mean. i dont want to be mean but i am mean. if there's anyone reading and thinking it's probably the J guy again, yes u're right. again. exactly my point. i'm tired. enough already. can i quit now?

Today is probably the most unproductive day for me, since i started work here.
It's Friday, so it's self explanatory.
the other reason is probably i'm brain dead now. and they dont expect a brain dead person to write a speech for the MD detailing about a mobile clinic with ENT fascilities. yeah. i'm doped. that's another reason. beginning to enjoy being in a place administering tenders, free mooncakes, free holland toffees. habislaa..

i have nothing in particular to write. i can write paragraphs and paragraphs about me, but i just dont want to. wait, that's something new. not wanting to write ABOUT ME anymore. maybe i should write a whole post on it. then it'll be another 'about me' entry. see, it's going nowhere. let's talk about something else then

tomorrow's zetty's bday. she's turning 8. and i'm suppose to get her this jewellery box, the one with a ballerina twisting around to the typical drama melayu music. i dont know wat she'll use it for. but it's within budget. and plus, i dont have to crack my head thinking wat to get her. but then again, as soon as she opened her eyes today, she looked at me and say,"adik rasa adik nak beg la kak ying" hmppff... i just nodd, it's 6.30 am ok. kids n bdays. i dont remember cherishing mine that much. i think mama had more fun organising it that i do celebrating it. i grew old fast. i didnt get fascinated by simple stuff long enough. and now it's coming back to me. finding an extra RM2 in my pocket is considered an ecstatic experience.

well, anyway, for tomorrow's party i'll be helping mama with the kids sandwiches. this i like. and i've to admit i'm very fond of mama's party sandwiches till now. the three layers of bread which sandwiched tuna or eggs or cheese. lined with thinly sliced tomatoes or lettuce. cut out into cute little triangles. and i'm preparing them tomorrow. glad to inherit this speciality. (it's sandwich jelah ying!)
oh yeah, i guess mama expect me to come up with a creative package as giveawayas to the kids. over breakfast this morning, mama said she might just buy them to senangkan cerita. but the little princess objected. "Tak creativela mcm tu ma, tak special" I think i must have given her the most disapproving look ever, that mama just feel the need to defend her, " she's not even 8"

and, this time, papa has decided to join in the fun, on top of his usual sit in front of tv and asking wat's cooking every 10 minutes. oh yeah, he's also the official food taster. only mama has to prepare a special portion for him, with extra tu la, extra ni la. this time, papa will be organising a karaoke contest for the guests. kids n adults contest. not surprising, he's one of the participants, yes, participants. not judge. not even an observer.

think we'll be having a blast tomorrow. with the spanking new home system. i think the whole block's gonna rock! (yeah right, i saw the list of songs includes ramlah ram's number).

see..i'm capable of writing about other ppl. maybe i'll write about MY family more often..ahaha.. i'm sure stories abt papa will be worth an entry or more, a 48 yr-old guy who demands his kids to set up a friendster account for him is no doubt a hilarious character.

till then, have a good weekend!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ADIK!!
May u live well and take after me..ahahah.. narcissistic returns!

work is abundance at the moment
that's y i'm here.. i like the thrill of stealing a bit of time off my office hrs to do something so personal such as airing my life on the www. no lah. it's lunchtime. and i've just read a couple of blogs.
reading others usually tempt me into writing an entry in my own.. though it may not be as profound or as happening as aiz'a entries, or as hilarious as woody's, at least i make some use of my space. useful or not is a whole diff story actually.

tonight i'm going squash-ing with jazmi. missed last week session, so looking fwd to this one. he's getting better at it. i'm just a goner. the other day we played 4 sets, yes four, and he beat me in 3. darn! i can be a sore looser when it comes to competing with my bf. teruk kan. but i'm 4 yrs younger so i'm allowed to be so. 4 yrs, who's counting, and as though it matters.. but since the number is there, i'll say so cos i want it to have impact. i wanna i wanna

ok.. here's a confession. i've gained almost 15 kilos since i came back from brisbane.

meaning, 7.5 mths, 15 kilos.
i gained 2 kilos per mth.

wait, some more maths. back in aussie, i lost a total of 10kg in the span of a year.
around 0.8kg per mth.

something is seriously wrong. and this is not something that i realise yesterday, or over last weekend. i know i've been piling weight as if i'm preparing for eternal hibernation. wat i didnt realise was, my exageration in the last sentence is represented by 15 kilos. and that is deep shit. ok, sensible diet and exercises. i know. will i? I WILL. pills? no way. no way i'm going back to those blue pills which made me produce oily err..er..yeah, that thing, it's oily. or drink that wateva supplement that's suppose to make me loose 7 kilos in 7 days - the 'strawberry thick drink' looks like cum, it has a consistency like cum (although i'm informed that cum do vary in terms of 'thickness', but still), yes, i'm right, even my former hsemates agree to this. pale pinkish cum which doesnt even taste like strawberry. or better, i dont wanna go to that place which forced me to undress in front of them so that they can gaze at the amount of fat surrounding me. and despite the fact that we have to fork out thousands for the treatment, they couldnt afford to buy an extra inch of cloth for the robe that we have to wear to move around the premise. perhaps, they should just abolish the stupid green robe. afterall dozens of ppl there have seen almost every(stretchmark)thing on my body. but i've to praise them for the consistent 'u've-got-a-major-problem-girl' look they shower me. and that little lady who grew serious muscle after my massage session, she who thinks i should get thin and never my hair up into ponytails so that i can get a bf. yes, thx ppl.

enuff already. i'm making me sad.

i'm going home to my dearest, for a game of squash or two.

dear, thx a lot for sticking by, or even popping up and CHOOSING to stay when my BMI does not fall in the normal range.
hetz, thx for the article u gave me. i know it's kinda weird when i go "i'm shy to meet ppl cos i'm fat" but i'm just human. these things happen.

there's this lady in my office..
she's very fair, pretty, her complexion is very luminous..pretty. her dressing is very humble, yet nice. she wears a tudung. she has a pretty name to. she looks every bit like a gentle, motherlike, oriental lady. she's a lady... from a lady's eyes. and that's huge to me.
till she opens her mouth.

why on earth cant she speak a little softer?? spoil betul la.. she's over here, screaming. i dont think she intends to raise her voice due to anger or irritation. i spoke to her yesterday. she was even apologizing for mis info she gave me. but her 'Sorry' made me felt sorry for her. y lah woman. now, she's getting on my nerve. she's forever in that tone, that intonation most of us use when we're annoyed at a person we dont really like. actually, i only use that tone when my afternoon overdose nap, induced by a bad PMS, is disturbed. and she use that tone to say sorry. or say almost everything. i wonder, how does she manja2 with her bf/husband.. hmm... (now, i'm telling everyone that a "Manja" mode exist, and that at least i HAVE one..hehe)

enuff ngumpat.

read comments to last entry. apesal ramai ( 2 persons are enuff to constitute ramai in my 'comment' page) org think girls tak kisah looks compared to guys. i read somewhere it's because of the contruction of our brain. guys are more eyes than... err.. brain? no, that's not wat the article say though ehehe.. than how do u explain women's urges for new shoes, new handbags, new clothes, new curtains, new furniture, new spice dispenser, with one look at the huge red 50%? maybe it's a brainy activity.. 50%, 50%.. cut,cut,save.. BUY!
it's not the same in the case of buying a car though. well, typically, women go for looks first. the spec.. (wat spec??) comes second. of course, not all car purchase decision by ladies are that easy, but, that tends to be the case. guys.. they go for the enginesla, mende la.. often i see guys drooling over ordinary looking cars from the family of impreza la, skyline la..just because they're better machine that can challenge the speed of light.. padahal 80% of the time stucked in traffic jam, traffic lights, roundabouts.. (jazmi is going to be sooo ashame of me over this statement)

oh well.. nama lagi guys n girls
we are yin and yang. we'll never be the same..
all those common interestsla, same wavelenght, chemistry .. is just courting jargons. though the end result, copulation.. hehe, allow me, could be of ultimate thumbs-up for both. but still.. this is worth a read. veryvery interesting. takde experience pun, since i've read a lot.. i'll just join all the ladies in this world and sigh...

..SIGHHH....

>>>jiwang entry ahead<<<

a week of no updates
-demam
-akedemi fantasi habis
-jazmi balik alor star n balik kl balik
-win balik, n balik kk balik
-shopshopshop:ate up into mysavings

i was on the phone with win last nite. i havent had such conversation with him since i left for aussie. it was a long one. a loud one too.. i dunno why i tend to raise my voice in our 'arguments'.. maybe just to make sure that at least i win in terms of volume. oh well.. he does the same.. so wat? it was nice of him to accompany me with his lovelife stories.. been a while since he speaks that much. it feels like the good ol days, when we're almost never out of topic. it gives me warm fuzzy feeling. the feeling of acceptance, respect and being appreciated. after much confusions these past few mths, particularly lead by my own silliness.. it's re-assuring to know that i can still have my good buddy by the side.. without losing the sight of my favourite man!. heh.. u bet i slept sound last nite.

would u fall for an ugly?
my fren wouldnt. no matter how nice the person is. how they clicked, but if she falls in his 'ugly' dictionary, it just wont work. mean? but i can accept his view in this. "if i dont find her attractive, how can i stay with her till the end of life? she doest have to be all-godly looking, but somewhat pleasing to my eyes. if she doesnt please me that way, how am i suppose to feel for her?" and i dont have an answer to that.
i have to admit that i too grew up with a pre-conception of my future partner. he has to be tall, taller than me, on the fair side, a bit chinese-ish, strong angular face-shape, straight hair, none on the face. as sick as this may sound, he must resemble most of my relativesla. sense of belonging i guess..ok.. yeah, kelantanese.. typical me. i may agree with many that this and that guy are good looking, but if they dont fit the description above, i'm afraid they're no attraction to me. call me choosy. i am. i could be. although i've a clear undertstanding that i am not an above average good looking girl pun. but a girl can dream cant she?

Now, i am still attracted to 'those' kind of guys. i still dont think much of hunks like shahrukh khan, or those mascular black guys, the KRU brothers(??).. cos theyare still not my type. but guess who i am bidding goodnite to every nite? a 6 footer, dark, typical malay looking guy, with the ability to grow (curly) hair on his face in less than 24 hrs after the last shave. Weee!.. i hit the jackpot! And i'm not shy to say below all the facial hair, i found peace. Just looking at him, i feel calm. has my dreamguy changed his outlook? no, i cant lie. is this face attractive for me? it's too comfy to trade with other hunks is all i can say. can i live with this face for the rest of my life. yes and i want to.

I cant say it's the twinkle in his eyes, cos he has this unbelievably sepet eyes.. they curve into two fine lines before he even move a muscle. it's definitely not his cushion-like cheeks.. (wat jaw line?) so wat can it be? love? maybelah kot. so is it possible to love your 'ugly'? yes it is, cos i'm in love with mine.

As much as i want my fren to meet his match, the one that'll please his eyesight till ever after, i secretly wish that he too, will go thru wat i'm going thru now. cos i think this is a blessing - to know that it's this pure. no, it's not sour grape. i dont need my man to be a tone fairer, or anything tad bit more good looking. cos i dont think it'll change anything anymore. now that's the point.

apesal jadi macam ni? i thought i was the only one feeling distance. you pun rasa jugak ek? rasa lain kan. rasa macam tak lama je ni. ada rasa monotonous tak? ada rasa bosan tak? do u feel lonely sometimes? do u feel my absence sometimes? do you fell your absence? is this going to work out ke tak? i dare not question cos the possibilities seems to be marked by a small probability je. is it my pms again? no, u pun rasa the same ek? are we in deep trouble? wat's the problem now if it's not other ppl? it's us ek? it's definitely us ek? u rasa ni dah lama ke? lama jugak? is it just time, or had we enuff of each other? do i still miss u? do u still love me? apesal aa??

i nak u habiskan degree, devote urself to ur studies and all. i want u to work hard. i'm proud whenever u work late and enjoy it. i want u to go back to ur family as much as possible. i dont want to ever disturb ur wednesday nite with the boys. tapi apesal i mcm selfish. i nak more of ur time. it pains me when i'm stucked at home or have my girls outing because i have no other choice. i bukan tak suka kluar with my girlfrens je. i enjoyed it thoroughly. but when i've no choice but only keluar dgn diorang, it sucks, no matter how enjoyable the outing is. kadang2 rasa mcm takde bf. ada bf just to call and ask dah makan ke belum and say i love u occasionally. it's not like i'm having a bf in uk or spore. i have u right here, 15 mins drive away from my house. i have u here, a local phone call away. yet i cant have u.

i thought i can always be comfy thinking it's another series of my crap. but now, u feel the same way too.. so it's true. we're in trouble.

hi,
blogging from the new office now..
new place, new computer (i swear i can smell the newness), new set of faces passing by.

all been good, friday was cool, and now monday, is a breeze.. well, i've pentium4 pc to browse around with.. and, i'm the one sitting furthest at the back.. ehehe.. privacy..

cool stuff abt this new place.
-it took me 20-25 mins, from my house's parking to the office parking
-they have two tea time, 15 mins each.. 10am and 3.30pm... and free drinks!
-i work independantly, set up my own database (of course, should be comprehensive for others too) and it entails stuff i'll be learning in CIMA..
-i've two desk officers to help me do the little2 stuff, photocopying, preparations of order and stuff.. (i was told, they're more interested in using my brain..i hope i can spare them some, not my physical energy)
-they leave right on the spot, 5.30pm.

>>oh, my colleague just drop me a glass of fresh coconut drink.. and some goreng pisang!

the prospect looks good.. alhamdulillah.(the job, not the coconut drink.. too sweet to my liking..do u put air gula in coconut drink?i think they did)

ok, last weekend
me and my very first little project
ida's engagement
was a successful one, in fact the other side was impressed.
the nasi kerabu and few other kelantan delicacies manage to flatter them jugakla..
they were esp shocked to receive the ring for the guy.. it's not a custom they're aware of at all..
oo.. so are kelantanese a tad bit more generous? ehehe.. it's actually tok we and her tendency to shower her cucus with gifts during special occasion. so the 'zamrud' ring is entirely her responsibility.

i did 2 of the hantarans
the pulut kuning and the special murtabak kelantan tu...
then helped my aunt with ida's make up..biasa2 je.. but managed to cover her pimples. which emerge 24 hrs before the ceremony.. tension kot
it was a terribly tiring experience, but it was surely a worthy one too.
i also managed to observe some politics in my family.. maybe not the close ones, but my familylah in general.
something worth taking note for my wedding later.

me n mama is compiling relevant info for weddings. i hope i can really do this. ida's wedding will be 6 mths from now. we're suppose to come up with guest lists, souvenirs, make up, dress and co-ordination of who's where for the big day. at the moment mama is playing a big part too. i'm still watching and learninglah.

went to pyramid the other day. saw the CIMA study guide.. darn! tebalnya!
i'm panicking already
at the same time i felt this idiotic rush of excitement.. best.. so much to learn.. wat is wrong with me lah??

oh ppl.. dont ever go to Mr Teppanyaki in Pyramid (the one next to some korean restaurant and the pizza hut)
it's ulitmately rubbish. they dont do orders in sequence. they are veryveryvery slow. the floor is dirty. the food is lousy. i know i shouldnt be complaining this muchla.. one look at the place u know wat u're in for.. but i thought i wont judge a restaurant by it's interior.. ehehe.. maybe i should next time.

jo, my cousin, is a papa from yesterday on..
it's a girl!
and this has cause yet another drama in my family.. something to do with ignorance of some which results in responsibilities one others' shoulder..
listening to mama addressing the matter last nite, made me wonder if i am NOT AT ALL prepared for kawin n beranak...
but then again.. not stopping me that one..

so much for monday