>>>jiwang entry ahead<<<

a week of no updates
-demam
-akedemi fantasi habis
-jazmi balik alor star n balik kl balik
-win balik, n balik kk balik
-shopshopshop:ate up into mysavings

i was on the phone with win last nite. i havent had such conversation with him since i left for aussie. it was a long one. a loud one too.. i dunno why i tend to raise my voice in our 'arguments'.. maybe just to make sure that at least i win in terms of volume. oh well.. he does the same.. so wat? it was nice of him to accompany me with his lovelife stories.. been a while since he speaks that much. it feels like the good ol days, when we're almost never out of topic. it gives me warm fuzzy feeling. the feeling of acceptance, respect and being appreciated. after much confusions these past few mths, particularly lead by my own silliness.. it's re-assuring to know that i can still have my good buddy by the side.. without losing the sight of my favourite man!. heh.. u bet i slept sound last nite.

would u fall for an ugly?
my fren wouldnt. no matter how nice the person is. how they clicked, but if she falls in his 'ugly' dictionary, it just wont work. mean? but i can accept his view in this. "if i dont find her attractive, how can i stay with her till the end of life? she doest have to be all-godly looking, but somewhat pleasing to my eyes. if she doesnt please me that way, how am i suppose to feel for her?" and i dont have an answer to that.
i have to admit that i too grew up with a pre-conception of my future partner. he has to be tall, taller than me, on the fair side, a bit chinese-ish, strong angular face-shape, straight hair, none on the face. as sick as this may sound, he must resemble most of my relativesla. sense of belonging i guess..ok.. yeah, kelantanese.. typical me. i may agree with many that this and that guy are good looking, but if they dont fit the description above, i'm afraid they're no attraction to me. call me choosy. i am. i could be. although i've a clear undertstanding that i am not an above average good looking girl pun. but a girl can dream cant she?

Now, i am still attracted to 'those' kind of guys. i still dont think much of hunks like shahrukh khan, or those mascular black guys, the KRU brothers(??).. cos theyare still not my type. but guess who i am bidding goodnite to every nite? a 6 footer, dark, typical malay looking guy, with the ability to grow (curly) hair on his face in less than 24 hrs after the last shave. Weee!.. i hit the jackpot! And i'm not shy to say below all the facial hair, i found peace. Just looking at him, i feel calm. has my dreamguy changed his outlook? no, i cant lie. is this face attractive for me? it's too comfy to trade with other hunks is all i can say. can i live with this face for the rest of my life. yes and i want to.

I cant say it's the twinkle in his eyes, cos he has this unbelievably sepet eyes.. they curve into two fine lines before he even move a muscle. it's definitely not his cushion-like cheeks.. (wat jaw line?) so wat can it be? love? maybelah kot. so is it possible to love your 'ugly'? yes it is, cos i'm in love with mine.

As much as i want my fren to meet his match, the one that'll please his eyesight till ever after, i secretly wish that he too, will go thru wat i'm going thru now. cos i think this is a blessing - to know that it's this pure. no, it's not sour grape. i dont need my man to be a tone fairer, or anything tad bit more good looking. cos i dont think it'll change anything anymore. now that's the point.