Dear ying,

just came back from shopping for stuff to cook for this sunday dinner..
somehow.. excited pulak..
like it cost me less than $30 to feed 15 people...
wow..
murah rezeki diorang..murah rezeki aku..insyaAllah

met Shah last nite.. finally..
he was being his usual.. very nice, very sarcastic.. very cousin..
despite watever has happen betwen us thru emails n phonecalls.. it seems some things never change..
went to meet him in the city with hetz.. i guess it's appropriate since he brought 3 frens along..

was in the city earlier yesterday too..
was browsing around, 'finding' shoes, sandals.. clothes..dresses (??)
when hetz asked about meeting shah...it never occur to me that i'll be nervous or even that bothered about it anymore..
well.. then came the sms.. he was already in the city by then..
err.. i just couldnt look at any more shoes, no discounts can attract me at that time..
i was NERVOUS.. yes, the joke is on me
and it felt like the first time i met him..
sheeshh..
suddenly it all came to me.. i actually rejected him once..
not just any plain proposal that was..
it was like.. err.. 'marry me' in more words.. ehehe..
yeah, seriously..
and i rejected
and there were few months of silence between us...
and now here he is.. paying a visit in brisbane.. from malaysia..
i never know i could ever be too nervous to part my hair, apply my lipstick, wear my earings properly..
i was shaking through it all... eee...
but calmed down in the bus.. surely, the butterflies still wont go away..

then.. there he was.. in his (veryveryshort) shorts and striped polo t shirt..
handshakes, hi.. and then dinner..
all in all he was ok... actually more than ok..
he was all natural.. like before..
and i didnt feel awkwards watsoever throughout the whole outing..
maybe when we were teased by his frens..and that's only once.. and when he said.. he's single..still single..

he was really nice to hetz.. a sign that he can get along with my frens..
and his frens are ok too.. wat can i say about a bunch of thirtysomethings on holiday..
and hetz said he's ok too..and that he is nothing like i pictured him to be..

i dont like this..
suddenly he's so normal..
suddenly it seems ok afterall..wont elaborate on that now..
he keeps on saying i'll see you in 2 months time..
suddenly two months doesnt seem that far away
2 months time..
promised me a dinner for my bday cum graduation
yeah, 2 months time..

called mama for no reason..
told her about the outing and all..
papa was in the background, listening.. as usual..
and he sounds excited by this positive development..
wat positive development???
mama asked, so wat say hetz..
well... suddenly i felt cornered..
damn..

then called faiz.. maybe only he would understand how i can switch mode form one person to another..
talking about switching mode..
yes, i called jazmi again.. (it's been daily for this week.. short 10 mins daily)
wasnt going to tell him.. thought it's not appropriate..
but he asked.. and i told him.. bits n pieces..
he went.. 'it's nice to hear things are ok'
i hate him...
why must he be very nice about everything all the time..
maybe it's my subconcious guilt about treating jazmi this way and thinking about wat could have been (or wat will be happening) between me n shah
as for the other interesting party .. i'm starting to see the human side of him.. so he's not perfect afterall.. and somehow.. time do decide
and i think throughout the months.. i've seen more than i wanna know about him...
as reality surfaces, i guess the debits n credits of the person need to be readjusted..
anyhow, he is a good friend who maybe, was suppose to stay that way from day one..
and as i've said once.. i owe him an apology n a big thank.
sorry n thanks bro!
(i'll find a day when i'm thickface enough to say this to his face rather then here.. meanwhile.. this would do.. eheh)

okla..
yes, room is still messy..
clean up!